dimanche 26 décembre 2010


I walked over to Bro. James who was conducting the cleaning for that day to know what task I had been assigned. After obtaining details on how I was going to dismount the canopies, fold up the canvas and then ensure that they were taken back to the rentals, I walked over to the first Canopy where Dayo, who I was going to be working with, awaited me.

I said hi and made some quick talk about how I once had a tee_shirt like the one he had on - a white tee with "it's not easy being green" written in front with green ink. He had this sheepish look that showed appreciation or respect or something . I didn't think much of it though.

Five minutes and one canopy dismounted later, I noticed Dayo looking at me .

"You don't notice her do you ?", he said,

"Notice who ?" I replied,

"The blue-eyed blond"

"What ???"

"You mean you don't notice her" he said, with an eye-lid raised,

I looked around and tried to figure out who he was talking about but most people were doing one thing or another in the church premises and I really couldn't make out who he was talking about

"I give up man, are you telling me or what ?" I said,getting impatient

"Well", he began, "I've noticed Chinelo look at you a couple of times in that way"

"What way ?" I almost shouted. Why was he beating around the bush ?

"Well you know when a girl likes a guy, there's a way she looks at him and then she often talks to Yemisi afterwards in that girly-gossip manner"

"Hmmm..." I said feeling a rush of excitement but didn't let it show

"Hmmm...?????" said Dayo "What do you mean hmmm...???"

"Ok" I said acting cool and all but inside me I couldn't believe that the prettiest girl in the church,whose father was really involved in church activities , was looking at me

"I just told you what I noticed", said Dayo in a resigning tone

He kept quiet for a while and we were able to finish three more canopies in silence, then he said,

"You don't like her ?"

"I don't hate her man, I bare even know her, so I don't know.Besides,we really need to work faster, we have two more canopies and there's that rental guy's place where we have to take them to so ...."

We worked for two more hours because we had to wait a bit at Funky rentals. The guy had gone over to set up canopies at some primary school graduation ceremony. Thanks to my bargaining skills which I put in full use this time, I was able to blackmail the guy with his lateness and stating that I had some important thing to do and he delayed me and so I was taking out 250 naira from his charges.

I got back to the church and Chinelo was still there with Yemisi doing pretty much nothing. I walked over to brother james and handed him the receipt and the "change" I had obtained. I said hi to the "sisters" and I noticed right there that Chinelo avoided my eyes while replying and Yemisi smiled at me while leaving on display all 32. I just acted like a "big boy" and made my way for the gate when I heard my name


I didn't turn back for fear that I was imagining things

"Bro Chikanelo"

I turned and saw Yemisi walking towards Bro james while Chinelo was still seated and looking at me

"Did you call me ?", I asked

"Yes I did", she said "You have a cockroach on your shirt"

I really dislike cockroaches but in order not to "fall my hand" before her I gently shook my shirt and watched the insect scurry away unlike normally when I would dance kpalango in a bid to get off the insect and then then with someone else's slippers crush the bug to smithereens

I looked at her and said thanks but I didn't see any lovey dovey look in her eyes, I wondered as I walked out of the church

On my way home just as I walked past Kemi's place, my phone rang. I brought out my nokia 8310 to hear the prettiest voice I had ever heard say my name ... again !

samedi 2 octobre 2010


I thought I heard em say they loved me
I thought they meant it
I thought they saw beyond my wealth and beauty but now all that's gone I know better
I lived like there was no tomorrow
well Today is the tomorrow I thought there never was
Doesn't make sense
That's normal most people think I'm crazy


I woke up and looked at the clock,It was a couple of minutes to seven which left me about and hour to get set to be on my way to church.I had promised to join in cleaning up the church building the week before so ....

Teeth cleaned, hair brushed and bathroom slippers on, I made for Iyana Ishashi taking Alebiowu street.It had rained the night before so a quick spray of muddy water on my clothes by an Okada man and there was no doubt that I'm not living the life I want to be living.

I brush my shoulders *not like there was any dirt there but because I can dey like form like mumu sometimes* , I bring out my mp3 player that I had bought second-handed from an Aboki *malam **Hausa trade** * at Alaba-rago.

The Aboki had sold it to me thinking he had ripped two hundred naira off me but little did he know that this mp3 is worth way more to me than I paid him for it.Even though I had bought it at 300 naira less than the average buyer I knew I could have gotten it for 200 hundred lesser than I did but I was in such a happy mood to get it that i let that 2H slip *it ain't goin happen next time man, money wey I go jejely use carry sukirat go Mama Iyabo place chop better Amala kpshewww!!! *

A couple of touches later and I have Drake singing Paris morton music to my ears

Wouldve came back for you ,
I just needed time, to do what I had to do
caught in the life, I cant let it go whether thats right I will never know,
hoping you will forgive me, never meant wrong,
tried to be patient, waited too long,
but I wouldve came back, but i wouldve came back,
wouldve came back, wouldve came back.
Wouldve came -

Hearing his voice calmed me all of a sudden. As I walked on Adaloko road, seeing all the naked little kid on the street, watching Papa George trying to get fresh with the Paraga woman's daughter, seeing four people on one okada risking their lives just cos they didn't have much other options of transportation, even as I stop by kemi's place to buy roasted corn and coconut (my lunch later on) I felt like I was seeing a movie ... loking at my own life from the angle of a second person.

Music is my drug, it's what gets me through some hard times and stuff.

I walk pass a couple of pretty girls and i'm like "if only I was more of a man, I'd go say hi" and that's the most I do I continue my walk and finally I get to church and I stop before the gate to wonder if I was worthy to go in. I say a hurried prayer and walk in.

The first thing I lay my eyes on are Iheoma's breasts , I quickly look away and behold Daisy, the girl I've "loved" since like forever.If I ever get the chance .... well there's really no need to dream unrealistic thing now, is there ?


whatever was going through my mind writing,this I have no idea
I hope someone finds sense in it and you don't waste your time

Cheers loves !!!!!!!

mardi 7 septembre 2010

You don't joke with mama Gfunc,I mean you just don't.

To say that I'm capable of imagining what would happen if I ever dared to "try" her would would be like saying I could fly.I'm saying it would be possible but then quit hard to believe....y'all get what I'm trying to mean?

One day...

lol that line reminds me of tales I read as an adolescent

Anyways ,On a fateful day * or was it a fateless one? * I think I wasn's feeling okay that day cos really....let me explain:

With mama gfunc.... I look at the way I wrote "mama gfunc" beginning with a small letter and I say to myself:

"Oh boy you don get levels oh, like so you can fit to try that kind thing now? fear dey catch me oh"

It's like that kinda Obama feeling *wetin dey do me with this Obama sef?* to be able to write the name that way.It's like how back in secondary school we would proudly call teacher by their names: first or surnames but only when they were note present but with mama gfunc it's worse and really hard to explain.

I watched in fright .... No terror at occasions when this lady dealt with hard core criminals sorry my older brothers and sisters when they commited crimes sorry were being a bit naughty like every normal little kid.

Her methods of discipline ranged from stripping *yeah butt ass naked* and sending them out in the streets while flogging their yanshes.Her methods or detaching the clothes were rude and crude and I'll leave that to y'all to imagine cos "graphic" descriptive details are going to traumatise you *it's certain why y'all think I write so much random ish?.... Anybody??.... Well go figure !*

After her torture sorry discipline sessions it became kinda hard to believe that my mother was human or even had a heart.I knew she wasn't the anti-christ cos dude should be a dude and should be doing politics and ish but the day mama gfunc became the treasurer of the residents of Close 100,satellite town, I boardered on ideas of moving out of the house at 8 1/2 years old

The day I tried to talk about at the beginning of this rant may seem to have been forgotten about but it's kinda hard not to get emotional and pour out your heart when you have such experiences as part of your past .

School was over and being that big sis was having extra lessons and that was not because she no sabi book or that she needed it ,No..it was mama gfunc's desire look at it as a kind of caprice,anyways I had to go home with a friend of mine taking the only sorry usual route I did with my sis but a winsh sorry my friend told me he knew of another route to my place which goes through his house and then that one was much more fun than my boringly usual one.

I sheepingly followed him and I had walked say 336m away from the entire area of possible locus allowed for horseplay when going home taking the usual way and I was looking at a puddle of muddy water with those red thingys we used to call "sucking blood" that appears most times after it rains in "bush" areas while having my "private Biological field trip" I began talking crap like I still do this day I sensed a presence,an overwhelming feeling came upon me that I couldn't shake I turned around and there she was ....

DISCLAIMER: We at gfunc's will take no responsibilty for the potrayal of a certain individual in a certain light.Abeg oh we no fit shout pass the one wey we dey.Make nobody pour sand for we garri by repeating this anywhere ever not even in your minds abi na una won carry us go hospital ?
I find it difficult hugging guys,I mean guys like "the male" species.Ok probably not just guys even girls too but it's a lil bit easier with females especially fine babes lol.


I saw her at Okoko bustop she had on a black skirt....sacred design it had,that skirt. On her feet black shoes then ever other thing she had on was of a lemon green colouration.No wonder why she caught my eye cos the lemon green colour has me as one of it's greatest fans.

I immediately decided that my bus wasn't really that important anymore even though a couple of minutes earlier, I had been fuming mad that I was going to be late all because these "yeye" Danfo bus drivers wanted to protest to no avail cos as usual they don't ever change nada with their impromptu strikes.

I stared to the other side where stood "Miss lemon"and being that I couldn't be calling her miss lemon all the time I brushed off the dirt on my shoulders put on my hat and sheepish "Jamie foxx/Obama smile" * hard to imagine eh? Well even for me too * and walked across the road to ask her name and later on I would ask for her phone number,house address,occupation,genotype,sexual orientation, ... lol

Getting closer to her side of the road while trying to put on more swagger to my walk and perfecting my sorry excuse for a smile,I saw her make to cross the road

"shit", * unconscious pronounciation when I realised what she was doing *

Mid way across, improvisation/innovation came into play,I continued walking,got to where she had been standing and I turned back looking like I has lost something and began to retrieve my steps

" This babe won make her yansh dribble me sha? Na there she go sabi sey me can dey play football like Okocha "

Midway across the road I screamed in a bid to get attention,her attention in particular but then I heard another scream and before I could turn to see why, I knew no more.

People always be talking about people's lives flashing before them when they dying and ish,I have one word for them


Whoever decided the abbreviation " lol " could be a trend ... was a genius.

I didn't see no " life " flash before me instead I saw lemon green.No be only life dey flash

" life ko ,life ni "


Hi guys, it's been an awefully long bit and I just want to apologise to all my followers and all those who pass by here from time to time.I miss you guys loads.I haven't really been away from blogsville -lol never thought I would use that word.I read all your posts from reader but the internet connection I have is messed up and doesn't let me put up posts *at least the one time I tried to*

Anyways I would like to holla at my girl Ms.'dufa-haven't heard from her in a while so try and holla and why the heck is your blog not found ?

I would like to holla at Miss natural,Good naija girl,Zel,Yankeenaijababe, Myne Whiteman and everyone else who stopped by.Thanks for all the love.

I had written a couple of stuff down but was unable to post em so I'm a do that just after this

Bisous !!!

dimanche 4 avril 2010


...has nothing what so ever to do with this blog post,it just sounded like a really cool blogpost title hehe!

You know that God's awesome,right?

Like who the heck y'all think gets you up in the morning?

cos looked at from the angle where I am now,the fact that you're "semi-dead" when you sleep make it quite easy to say that one could easily pass to the dead state.

Like when you sleep,you're on the boundary of life and death and more in the dead zone if you ask me.But there's a Power,something greater than you and me that gets you up,not like an electric equipment that gets spoilt and is no longer reparable.

I'm not coming out as clear as I want to but I think someone somewhere gets the message that I'm trying to pass across saying that GOD is AWESOME.

I pumped up a whole lot of calories in me that I was kinda scared about the way I ate a couple of days ago.I see people trying to loose weight and stuff.Paying huge sums of money to probably go to gym or something,waking up every saturday morning to go jugging..... and I'm here trying to turn into Yokozuna.na wa oh!!!

This is another random post to say anything that comes to my mind being that I haven't been up in here in a while and I'm trying to overcome what's keeping me from blogging.

Funny thing is I had all this ideas going on in my head all week and the week before but at this very moment that I type they're all vanished like poof...sucks!!

I'm guessing that somewhere someone has been coming over to check on my blog to see if I have put up an update or something but getting disappointed that I don't have any up when he/she gets here.I wanna thank you for your...fidelity lol...and say that you should leave a comment and tell me I actually was write about saying what I just said in this paragraph

I hope this "rant" of randoms thoughts qualify as a post.



To anybody reading me...well not reading me but reading my blog for the first time,I offer you a kiss/peck if you're a girl and a handshake if you're a guy hehe.I guess that's fair enough

and my next post will be coming up real soon with something real cool to read so stay fixed and don't touch that dial * lol I be sounding like Shola thompson or Dan foster hehe*

Okay I best leave now before someone hit me with a rock for my silly "jokes"


vendredi 22 janvier 2010


It's really funny how as a kid I'd read books and just read.... but as I got older I began to realise the amount of work it takes to actually write stuff and not just any stuff but stuff that makes sense.A whole lot of things; creativity,discipline and like hanging on to the end and also being able to see where you're going before you actually get there so that what you do now will rhyme in an absolutely choc * my own word hehe* way.

It's just something I was thinking about and I decided to write it up there,I wonder if anyone feels the same way or it's just me or ....


I walked over to the Notice board and there was my representation-a drawing of someone that represented me.I was delighted at the fact that for once I actually had some publicity at a school wide scale.

I know y'all is not getting the whole picture of what I'm saying so I'll try to develop some background detail so that when I come back to the point where I left off= " ....wide scale " .

In school where I was in my first year,after all the years of staying back home and playing the lottery that jamb has a good percentage of nigerian students involved in.During this period I had worked a couple of jobs,manual jobs to be exact,infact load carrier to be more clear.This job had come through a cousin of mine who worked a store selling bags of rice of 50kg a sack and being that I was in the process of prouving to myself that I wasn't the lady like man that most people have the tendency to think I am,I took up the job and during the time stepped up my everyday work out and at the end of a year period i could proudly say "I am a whole nother swagger level,see pic below:

pretty impressive at 17 don't y'all think? lol

Anyways back to the main stuff,I got into school and was feeling like "nfana ibaga" though there were a couple of other guys that could make me close my mouth at anytime,story of sey no be only me sabi do "homework", but when i say a couple I really mean a couple so I had a certain level of respect which only increased for each time I opened my dress shirt or didn't take off my body hugging tees.And to top all of that It wasn't just for show I was actually able to opress a lot of guy and I mean literally opressing them not like I ever did though, ok maybe a few times but I was only stronger than me I couldn't help it.

Shy guy who always went to church and read his books never gave me lots of opportunities to be as vain as I would have liked.I went through first semester and having cool results though not as good as I would have wanted but hey I had a whole lot of guy *remember a lot means a lot*and a couple of girls *scarce resource in my school,sad story* being envious of my grades hehe!!

Second semester had me wanting to come out of this imaginary cage restraining me.Fill in for the Macho man competion of the school but I later on was to find out that Church people had organised a programme for that night and they were mostly against the futility and vanity of going about exhibiting your body and a view of your privates included.So macho man and Miss pretty of the school day had me in church asking God to make my grades better than the last year's, give me and my parents loads of cash and maybe help up catch Osama Bin laden and also stop all the wars and poverty going on around the world and yeah that he also....

Since I couldn't go in for that I later on found out there was to a Pretty boy show which didn't require taking off so many items of clothing and there was also to be another Fine girl competition.Getting to find out that there weren't so many contestants I decided to apply on the same day of the competition just to do something different ,y'all see how long it takes for me to decide to have fun or do something I don't do everyday,not to say that there aren't people who do these things without even giving it a second thought but me.....it had to be a war.

I came out of the competion not winning and not even close to being the winner.

REASON: Boy has absolutely no swagger even though he's cute,real cute even and could have my number anytime but he's not what we're looking for.actual wonner has a whole lot of swagger and enough fine so he'll do.Sad decision but it has to be made


A week or two after this event,I was in my room whne I heard the voice of two guys,one was " my manager " at the said event and the guy was a friend of mine, both being my classmates had had a clash during one of our course and let's just say things got out of hand.

A bit of details: Guy 1 was a big ass bully who hardly ever found anyone to contest his desires except me and Guy 2,was more like the all talk and not too much bite and he being skinny didn't help matters at all.

At the moment when I came out Guy 1 had Guy 2 at the edge of the balcony,I quickly moved in to restrain him before he did something silly.It wasn't easy but I did it * does this line remind anyone of anything? *

Back to the main phrase I actually wanted to make before I started talking about all this really unnecessary stuff in the bid to make y'all understand what I'm saying even tough I know that I've done a bad.....real bad job of doing that.In other words,or should I say in the actual words like the only words that real comprehensible humans use: Please refer to the third paragraph

I stood before the board that had a drawing representing me and the two guys that fought and how a ceratain Mr Fine boy (from behind) was macho enough to stop the violence in a dormitory hall.Why the heck didn't he contest for the macho competitiopn where his talents would have been more appreciated and together with his fine boy,he definetely would have won.

I was speechless.Some people recognised me and came over to ake small talk,I even signed a couple of autographs...yeah right!

Disclaimer: I, in no way, mean to give a false impression of the character in the story even if it * the character that is * is similar to any person or persons alive ,asleep or in some sick bay *they are mostly sleeping all day so can they be said to be alive?*. Well if the character resemblance to anyone, I don't really care hehe