mardi 7 septembre 2010

You don't joke with mama Gfunc,I mean you just don't.

To say that I'm capable of imagining what would happen if I ever dared to "try" her would would be like saying I could fly.I'm saying it would be possible but then quit hard to believe....y'all get what I'm trying to mean?

One day...

lol that line reminds me of tales I read as an adolescent

Anyways ,On a fateful day * or was it a fateless one? * I think I wasn's feeling okay that day cos really....let me explain:

With mama gfunc.... I look at the way I wrote "mama gfunc" beginning with a small letter and I say to myself:

"Oh boy you don get levels oh, like so you can fit to try that kind thing now? fear dey catch me oh"

It's like that kinda Obama feeling *wetin dey do me with this Obama sef?* to be able to write the name that way.It's like how back in secondary school we would proudly call teacher by their names: first or surnames but only when they were note present but with mama gfunc it's worse and really hard to explain.

I watched in fright .... No terror at occasions when this lady dealt with hard core criminals sorry my older brothers and sisters when they commited crimes sorry were being a bit naughty like every normal little kid.

Her methods of discipline ranged from stripping *yeah butt ass naked* and sending them out in the streets while flogging their yanshes.Her methods or detaching the clothes were rude and crude and I'll leave that to y'all to imagine cos "graphic" descriptive details are going to traumatise you *it's certain why y'all think I write so much random ish?.... Anybody??.... Well go figure !*

After her torture sorry discipline sessions it became kinda hard to believe that my mother was human or even had a heart.I knew she wasn't the anti-christ cos dude should be a dude and should be doing politics and ish but the day mama gfunc became the treasurer of the residents of Close 100,satellite town, I boardered on ideas of moving out of the house at 8 1/2 years old

The day I tried to talk about at the beginning of this rant may seem to have been forgotten about but it's kinda hard not to get emotional and pour out your heart when you have such experiences as part of your past .

School was over and being that big sis was having extra lessons and that was not because she no sabi book or that she needed it , was mama gfunc's desire look at it as a kind of caprice,anyways I had to go home with a friend of mine taking the only sorry usual route I did with my sis but a winsh sorry my friend told me he knew of another route to my place which goes through his house and then that one was much more fun than my boringly usual one.

I sheepingly followed him and I had walked say 336m away from the entire area of possible locus allowed for horseplay when going home taking the usual way and I was looking at a puddle of muddy water with those red thingys we used to call "sucking blood" that appears most times after it rains in "bush" areas while having my "private Biological field trip" I began talking crap like I still do this day I sensed a presence,an overwhelming feeling came upon me that I couldn't shake I turned around and there she was ....

DISCLAIMER: We at gfunc's will take no responsibilty for the potrayal of a certain individual in a certain light.Abeg oh we no fit shout pass the one wey we dey.Make nobody pour sand for we garri by repeating this anywhere ever not even in your minds abi na una won carry us go hospital ?
I find it difficult hugging guys,I mean guys like "the male" species.Ok probably not just guys even girls too but it's a lil bit easier with females especially fine babes lol.


I saw her at Okoko bustop she had on a black skirt....sacred design it had,that skirt. On her feet black shoes then ever other thing she had on was of a lemon green colouration.No wonder why she caught my eye cos the lemon green colour has me as one of it's greatest fans.

I immediately decided that my bus wasn't really that important anymore even though a couple of minutes earlier, I had been fuming mad that I was going to be late all because these "yeye" Danfo bus drivers wanted to protest to no avail cos as usual they don't ever change nada with their impromptu strikes.

I stared to the other side where stood "Miss lemon"and being that I couldn't be calling her miss lemon all the time I brushed off the dirt on my shoulders put on my hat and sheepish "Jamie foxx/Obama smile" * hard to imagine eh? Well even for me too * and walked across the road to ask her name and later on I would ask for her phone number,house address,occupation,genotype,sexual orientation, ... lol

Getting closer to her side of the road while trying to put on more swagger to my walk and perfecting my sorry excuse for a smile,I saw her make to cross the road

"shit", * unconscious pronounciation when I realised what she was doing *

Mid way across, improvisation/innovation came into play,I continued walking,got to where she had been standing and I turned back looking like I has lost something and began to retrieve my steps

" This babe won make her yansh dribble me sha? Na there she go sabi sey me can dey play football like Okocha "

Midway across the road I screamed in a bid to get attention,her attention in particular but then I heard another scream and before I could turn to see why, I knew no more.

People always be talking about people's lives flashing before them when they dying and ish,I have one word for them


Whoever decided the abbreviation " lol " could be a trend ... was a genius.

I didn't see no " life " flash before me instead I saw lemon green.No be only life dey flash

" life ko ,life ni "


Hi guys, it's been an awefully long bit and I just want to apologise to all my followers and all those who pass by here from time to time.I miss you guys loads.I haven't really been away from blogsville -lol never thought I would use that word.I read all your posts from reader but the internet connection I have is messed up and doesn't let me put up posts *at least the one time I tried to*

Anyways I would like to holla at my girl Ms.'dufa-haven't heard from her in a while so try and holla and why the heck is your blog not found ?

I would like to holla at Miss natural,Good naija girl,Zel,Yankeenaijababe, Myne Whiteman and everyone else who stopped by.Thanks for all the love.

I had written a couple of stuff down but was unable to post em so I'm a do that just after this

Bisous !!!