samedi 23 mai 2009


Okay I just though I ought to note this,don't know why but I was reading it and found it makes sense at all is blogable,I need your opinion if it is or not,okay? It is kinda based on a convo a series of messages btw me and an old friend from secondary school (high school),I met him on facebook after years *GOD bless facebook* ok,here it is;

G-FUNC: na me G-FUNC from Ij * my high school * how your south african life? lol BRIGHTEX! holla back Bolo gave me the 411

BRIGHTEX: g-func on d block wats d p? longest time.Can’t 4get how we used 2 tease ur mighty eyebrows. I’m sure if u have not done anyting about them u will be performin in a circus. just messin u wit u as usual.dont know where dis rumour of me livin in south africa came from. i travel 4 summer dats all. maybe it was wen i went there (4 summer) dat they tot i live there (though i wish i was) ow is func-senior(hope d spellin is rit).lost contact wit everybody even femi black, small n all. saw rogers postin jargons about niger delta, wonder wen he got interested in tins like dat. hook me up wit wat u av been up 2. cheers

G-FUNC: lol! lmao!
Well not to say I'm surprised and stuff but you still got your head intact see as you remember everything reach my surname! yeah you got the spelling right.
My bro is in NDA now ! he's cool
Femi small is on facebook you could search him "femi ' small"
Femi black is nowhere to be found,he just disappeared
Don’t mind Roger he's still yarning cocks as before,what does he know about the niger delta.He ought to go live there to know what the whole thing is all about and stuff. Oh boy,It's real cool to hear from ya,
My eyelashes ;well I guess they stopped growing but remained as they were that was large enough,I guess, anyways I got pics on facebook,you could check em out I've not been so far from where I was when I left IJ I did a little bit of the israelite journey and I came back to where I started from. I ain't got much time to write now so I'll give you anymore gist I can think up by tomorrow or tonight hit me up with info on you man we could chat sometime

BRIGHTEX : nice one bruff, sorry abt ur stagnant eyebrows.
* this boy dey mad oh,e want make my brows turn forest,sorry my ass,instead of am to dey thank God for me *,i will check out dem pics. am not a fecebook fan * obviously * as such so i cant say i know how 2 use em well.nice 2 hear 4rm u again. i just finished 4rm babcock uni and studied accountin (irony...right) kinda waitin around 4 nysc. NDA... is dat not d defence academy. he didnt look d part at all i quess dey can toughen him up a bit, u know by drillin his brains out. are u still in satelite town? will like 2 know wat u mean by the israelite journey. so u are now G-FUNC... see once a G-FUNC, always a G-FUNC dont try 2 act all cool and shit. i believe dat is 4 dem chicks. dont forget 4 give me a load down of dem (chicks) and i hope 2 God u are still not a Virgin cos back i d day u had no prospects. if u are den just know i refuse 2 be ur friend from today. how is mama G-FUNC?...... cheers

G-FUNC : wats so ironical about that? *accounting* I guess your dad's an accountant and he doing big things or do you mean that as in you both doing the same stuff?
And yeah,I thought up the NDA stuff too but I kinda had some physical restraint that I thought weren't gonna make me so comfortable with the rigours of the academy.I guess all that pumping *some form of punishement thought up by hitler mentored teens older than us back in high school days* in IJ messed up my knee joints.
He doing real cool over there,matter fact,he kinda on top,if I may say so myself.I guess our teenage doesn't let people know what we're gonna stature and all.The guy eh,when im come house after the first year,im thin die and hair no dey grow for the centre of im head,but now all that's changed,still skinny but you don't mess with the nigga,like he be shooting guns and stuff and sometimes I guess he says in his head "how you like me now?" G-FUNC,came from a long story.

Like when I wanted to give someone a fake name,I always used Gfunc,gfunc was a name that readily came to mind * and stuff lol* okay? and "gfunc" came from a movie with a black tap dancer back in the days like when racism was still cool and shit.His fellow blacks didn't dig why he was so popular and they called him a "man tanned" cos they said he wasn't black just a man with tanned skin and they kinda killed him at the end.I don't like how he ended but I just like the name.

I ain't in sattelite town no more,you ought to know.I left while I was still in IJ moved to afromedia,close to okoko. The virginity angle.....Man don't you know that shit pays like in some years I could do a press release where I come out like a 30-year old NIGERIAN MAN WHO WENT TO IJ AND IS STILL A VIRGIN,now ain't that cool? I could make some real cash outta that.The girls angle well a whole lot of em that I kinda fancied touching their bodies didn't want to gree my own so I was like file!!! I don't need that shit " and stuff " just kidding lol! I've known a girl or two,don't know if it was the same "knowing" that happened in the Bible but ...........well I hope you get the idea.

Mama G-FUNC dey oh!!!! like she still hot and kicking,my dad no dey stay out late because of her like from 7 o clock when she comes back from work all the boys and men go dey wait around our compound dey try see whether them go fit touch her body * perverted idiots * The idea is flattering and stuff but MY MUM! COME ON THOSE GUYS ! so like every night my dad would bring out his gun and let loose a couple of bullets in the air but that didn't deter em.It wasn't until my brother came home and he combined with my dad * I guess my bro did most of the work but that's the story they told me and I'm sticking to it * well they did some military shit and all that booty hunting crew shifted base to some young girl that has been eyeing me for a while now,but my dad still comes home early he ain't taking chances.I guess mama's having a ball,always laughing at his ass,now he scared to loose her

lol man! just kidding,I just wanted to attempt to try to be funny

Babcock man! you must have strengthened in some area over there,like you're now a "baba cock" if you know wat I mean,lol I think I have to stop writing now. holla back man,cheers

P.S I always been a cool dude just didn't know how to arrange it

.................the end

Okay that’s the post y’all ain’t got time to arrange it and stuff so I hope that doesn’t make it more horrible than it already is,

Ciao guys!!

mercredi 20 mai 2009


Hey y'all!

How's your day been? Obviously I'm on some of that good stuff cos two posts in a week ain't my normal! Actually I got a break from active life till monday so I have to do some thing productive other than facebook ok!

Today I saw a movie " he's not that into you ". It was a pretty cool movie.I was supposed to go see some friends but I was unable to do so cos I am kinda unmotivated usually and stuff.

Obviously I'm talkng rubbish now,so I'll stop.

Summer for James was always a sad time.Complately braced teeth,acne infested face,skiny silhouette and just too smart for the average 13 year old.His qualifications for "geek" class was perfect.He easily fit in without hassles but.....

James had always been a regular spectator of MTV and all the entertainment stations.The smart came naturally.He didn't know why he could resolve up four figured multiplications without external aid-pen,paper or calculator-he just could.

That summer while on the beach all covered up he dared not expose his bones to the cool populace,cos that would officially strike him out from ever making the cool list....ever.Two girls walked past,he didn't pay much attention to them as he was engrossed in the novel he was reading,intent on finding out why Johnny chambers had killed Sarah Pickles and if Senôr Obama was actually the serial killer as Insp. Kelvin Poirot thought....

" .....Johnny came out through the backdoor of Obama's crib,blasting songs from his brand new Ipod touch,he didn't look like he gave a shit that news was going on around town that he was responsible for the Death of Sarah.After Sarah had died he didn't seem to care about anything anymore,she was his world but not any more now.The loud music was just an excuse,a diversion from suicidal thoughts that he had had.For two months he had shared a secret affair with her and throughout the time no one else had mattered to Johnny.He had stopped searching for trouble around town.Everyone had noticed the change but had thought it was only a little time before Johnny commited his next act of deliquency.

As Johnny rode out on Berla,his trusted steed.The best horse in the county.No one ever dared him to a race,because it was always as if you had Queen latifah racing against Usain Bolt.Mr Poirot came out from where he had been hiding and stared as .......... "

James noticed shadows over his book,he looked up and standing in front of him was Stephanie,the girl he always felt an arousal for whenever she had on a maroon cardigan on,he sought the scientific explanation behind this but he was yet to find it.He had come to discover that it had something to do with his brain.The hospital where he had been born had an odd maroon coloured uniform.Both staff and building were dressed in maroon.

"Hi",she said,
James turned around but he was the only one there,
"Are you talking to me?", he said,
"Of course silly,who else would I be talkkng to?"

He never believed that she could ever talk to him,he always thought she was like other pretty girls *did I mention Stephanie was pretty?well she is!* who only talked with cool boys who were not necessarily smart enough to calculate their age from their birth year.

"If you like you could come join me and my friends under the canopy,it is kinda hot here",she continued "okay,we'll be waiting"

Dumbstruck,he couldn't utter a word.As she walked towards the tent,one of her friends walked out and said something like she was really excited but when he read her lips *yeah James reads lips*he swore that she said "why did you have to do that?" and then Stephanie replied,"He's just an experiment"

If he was dubstruck before,now he was petriffied,he knew he had to get to the bottiom of this drama that was unfolding before him.Stephanie sure picked the wrong guy to mess that moment,she came out of the tent,she had taken off her shirt and had on a sleevess maroon vestHe saw his shorts move,a girl walking by turned and looked at him, and then he knew,this was going to be easier said than done,
"Why the heck does she like maroon so much?"he asked himself

She waved at him.

He waved back.

She smiled and her lips move "you won't even know what hit you Jimmy boy,you poor little boy"

"Yeah I know alright",he thought as he coverd his pelvic region with his novel.


I know this story is quite stupid,the arrangement,plot,setting are stuff are all wrong but y'all gotta bear with me cos I'm like that.
I just thought to write this for you all to read and stuff,cos incredible as it seems there are people who actually read my blog,lol
sorry for the errors

thanks y'all

props to Sir Scribbles,Penelope,Miss Natural,Yankee naija babe,Roc-naija,
I love y'all

dimanche 17 mai 2009


Since I can remember,I've always had a crush on some girl in some establishment,school,or...... Oh well y'all get the idea...

The first was OMOLARA,the dark spoilt little angel that I was "in love" with in kindergaten,I don't think I ever spoke to her,at least not on a very friendly level but in my dreams.....let's not go there.I always thought that I would marry her when I grew up and made a lot of money and stuff,but sadly I left my first primary school and never saw her again until like four years and three crushes later.

In my new school,I first set my eyes on the cleanest girl with short hair and a fair complexion,on the second day in the school.There and then I knew that we were going to get married and give birth to four of the most adorable half cast kids * inter tribal does count * and IJEOMA would be a wife like Toni braxton who sings and does creative stuff for me "privately" but I would never cheat on her.Never cause her to cry like all them ladies in nigerian movies.Two years later in the same school,I commited my first act of infidelity,I started having thoughts of another girl,that I would just put her legs on mine in class cos for some unknown reason,I discovered that having a girls leg on yours felt good.One day,after a series of events,IJEOMA held my hand.I felt better than when I drank chilled coke on a sunny day.Till this day I forget not that first touch.After that day I always had silly excuses to touch her hand.After primary school,we parted ways and I haven't seen her since.

My first day at secondary school,I set my eyes on DAMILOLA and I knew for sure that she was the one I was going to spend my life with but not for long cos I set eyes on DOYIN,the girl who resumed three weeks after we did.She asked me where JSS1C was with the most adorable voice I had ever heard before then.From then on,I was polygamous,It was certain I was going to have problems with my parents.Polygamy was not something that was popular for almost 10 generations and I sure wasn't the one who was going to resume it,epecially not as the turn of the 21 century was just around the corner,polygamy was getting unpopular,I needed to act fast.two ladies in one mind didn't do any good for motivation.Solution:drop em both,get along with boys,ther were no complications with boys,it was certain you weren't going to marry em and you could have as many as you wanted.Four years went by,basking in perversion,I lost my chance with the two most beautiful women I had ever set my eyes on.

My chance for my first female kiss came Two years after graduation from secondary school,it was sudden and pleasurable,so good that I've been stuck ever since.I saw the right path as the kiss overwhelmed me,I swear scales fell of my eyes.As soon as I left her that day, I went to a church where I prayed for forgiveness and deliverance,how could I hve been crazy,cos I believe only a crazy man would eat for the thrash can when he could work and earn "meat pie and coke" FOR WHAT NOW!!!! I and AISHA shared many more of such encounters,many more.She liberated me,thus I cannot forget her as long as I live............I love you even though you don't think so...

samedi 9 mai 2009


You know that feeling you get when you just watch something real inspiring or a movie or read a really nice book that was both interesting and thought you something or you read the blog of some crazily talented blogger .......... well...

I just saw a movie "WANTED" and funnily I was left with this feeling that I just wanted to experience jumping through a window,like feel glass breaking off me and stuff * wouldn't that be great * . There were two scenes in that where those awesome bullet-bending gentlemen party crashed windows.They sure spoilt the day of those windows. lol *okay that was dry* but I really want to experience that kinda stuff.

The point of this post stands at I want to write a story,a apontaneously though up story that I'm thinking off write now.In my wworld I've discovered that the most interesting performances are the spontaneous ones,that are done on the spur of the moment,so I want to be spontaneous.Well,here goes

" Their gazes crossed as he crossed the street,she had a funnily green looking wig on,he had always found black girls with bright colored wigs repulsive,but there was definetely something else about her that made him kinda relent a little bit.Before he could get in a dirty thought,an old ferrari turned the corner at the speed of an old ferrari,and sent her physically fit * and sexy * body flying like them olympic gymnasts across the street.Having never experienced such an incident before,He was stunned to his roots and didn't know how to react he just stood there and watched her eyes which were fixed on him on the exact same way that they had been when their gazes them movies,he watched as everything around him blurred.

He saw her stand up from the ground unhurt,without even a scar but there was still someone on the ground passed out,he saw it was still her.People had gathered around the body and there was an old man who was shaking his head.He saw she was staring at the people and the body on the ground and she was sad as well.At that moment he snapped,turned around and ran as fast as his legs could carry him.As he was about to turn the corner,he saw her running after him,and she was running so fast he seemed not to be moving at all.

She caught up with him and touched his shoulders,the urine he had left the office to excrete poured down his pants,in one steady flow,it was more like a ........

"Excuse me",she said, "Do you know where I can get a bus going to UNILAG,you look like a student or something because you are the youngest person I've seen for the past 30 mins.Someone told me to take a bus here from Ojuelegba and I am kinda lost,I know it's risky to talk to strangers but you look like a nice guy so could you direct me"

"What did you say?",He asked,scared as shit

"I said do you know where UNILAG is ?"

"YOU....WHAT!!! WHAT ARE YOU? You just freaking died!!"

"ME! You must be mistaken Sir,I just saw someone whoo had an accident,it hasn't even been confirmed if she's dead or not and you are thinking I'm the one!!",she sighed,"I don't know where you're from but ,the last time I checked death by car accident is not communicable"

She walked away from him with a bewildered look on her face,He noticed that she wasn't having on the green wig anymore and some pieces of her clothing were disappearing as she walked away from him.

As best as he could,he walked away and took the bus home to CARY STREET ,as soon as he got into his house,he just lost it,didn't know how to react; laugh,cry,scrath,roll,kneel,pray..........He had never been so confused in his life,He thought he had seen a ghost.Just at that moment,He heard a knock at the gate.Thinking it was his sister just back from school,she had this annoying habit of making people open the door for her and would always knock the door before trying her keys.Being that he needed to talk to someone,he composed himself as best as he could and opened the door to find himself staring into the face of miss green wig...............