I CALL ME G-FUNC

Words that free themselves

2011-09-22T08:02:00.002+01:00

- Can I have a tart,.... no make that two tarts and two cups of yoghurt
- Could I have some cherry jam to go with that ?
- A piece of a month-old chocolate cake as well and two bananas.
- Yes that will be all, thank you.

Lunch couldn't be any more grand, I was floating on air until the aches started, I had assumed that they were cramps as I never stopped believing I was pregnant and that in due time, I would bring forth...

As I walked down the street, I looked at the glass door of the cyber-café and I saw a reflection, the funny thing was that the image looked just like Carvil !!! Oh my ! You know what they say about you becoming like the people you hang out with... so true.

As I took the turn just after the fruit seller's place, I noticed something else... no not a girl! I noticed how people moved... fast-paced like they were in a race or something. Not stopping to breath in the air of the okoko market place... now that I think of it, neither will I. Not stopping to feel the rush of the late afternoon breeze in their hair and on their faces. Not...

The rush, it seems like they know that we have little time and they have to make up for that. I wonder what to make of all this.

My belly still hurts but I move on, I have to keep on going, how else was I going to get home ?

I've gotten home now, my stomach doesn't hurt anymore. I quickly take off these " carvil-kinda clothing ", and then I place myself before the computer and try to write this out... this has been playing in my head all day long: how the post would begin and how it would end, but now that I put pen to paper, I can't even remember where to start from.

Why isn't the computer charging anymore ? I wonder... but that's a problem that I don't have time for right now.

I get up and go to the parlor to stay with the kids, they're making too much noise so I head to the kitchen and there Aunty is quite eager to let me make the eba while warming the soup and blending boiled carrots for the babies meal. I look at her and I smile, a genuine smile not like I had smiled at Lilian earlier on.

I wanted to tell her something like God bless you or thank you but I knew she would ask question, she wouldn't JUST understand and probably smile back or something, she would rather ask questions. I don't blame her, that's the way she is. Time was when I didn't understand her and I would interpret her actions falsely but now... now I still don't understand her and I don't even try to. I just adapt.

So for dinner it will be Eba, okro soup, bananas, and like before yoghurt but this time with strawberry jam.

Dinner is over, I'm lying down on my bed sleeping and it's 2:07 and I feel ~~like bringing forth~~ the pains again. I wonder when, I'll be due I ask myself... then I hear:

It won't be long now

ENTANGLED

2011-09-15T10:07:00.002+01:00

The roll of metallic spiral was all tangled up and normally I would have gotten annoyed about it and just thrown the whole thing into the thrash or even if I didn't throw everything away, I would just cut out the parts that weren't too entangled and I would throw away the rest, so that if I had a length of 5 metres of spiral then I would probably be left with only 2 metres by the time I was through.

But this time, I decided that I wasn't going to loose all that length of spiral and I was determined to get most of it if not everything back so I started shaking the whole thing and little by little it loosened up. I eventually had to cut out a bit but it was negligible compared to what I wasted at other times.

This got me thinking about our relationships with one another, where people choose to seperate rather than try to work things out because it's so much easier, but what they don't realise is that a little effort could go a long way to repairing things and then with the help of God that effort gets magnified and then we can be at peace with one another.

Psalms 133:1:

Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity

This is just a little something that got me thinking ...

God bless you !

IMPORTANT

2011-08-15T03:29:00.003+01:00

Mistakes that change the course of your life. There are certain things you do that changes the course your life's takes. You really need to be careful with what you do because the consequences might be a price too big for you to pay.

Weigh your actions ! A temporary gift/pleasure might cause a permanent harm. You loose much more than you gain

Know God and do not sin against him .

RANDOM Please .... Please

2011-08-08T11:35:00.003+01:00

I've kept away from here for a while now, not intentionally though. I even wrote up a post one time but was unable to complete it because the story that seemed so cool in my head didn't come out exactly as I wanted. I think random is the way to go, like off the top. That way if it doesn't come out right it doesn't mean much.

I wrote on facebook " somethings I do for free, somethings I do for money " this is a sentence I had seen on Waffarian's blog. I really don't know why I did but I just found it kinda cool. That's not the only thing I think is cool about her blog, I'm a fan and I've been hooked since last week and I'm on my way to reading all her posts. I've read through 2008 and a huge part of 2009. I have up till 2011. And I need to mention that she has a lot of posts. Some interesting and the others ... less.

I've been trying to figure out exactly what makes her tick cos even though she writes a lot, sometimes not exactly directly but then she also leaves out certain details as well. * that's just me thinking out loud *

There was this post where she talked about pacesetter books. And I recalled childhood memories. Times when I would climb on the mango tree in our compound and just read novels and eat mangoes all day. The pleasure that was !

It reminded me of life before when my greatest problems were makings As in every subject ... other than yoruba language * no miracle was going to make that happen * I would escape to another world through books. I can remember reading "Evbu my love", "Love on the rocks", "The cyclist", and a couple of others I can't remember. I learnt a lot of lessons from those books and they kinda helped buld my character today.

So now as I sit in this room with about 5 people here, I feel so alone and I recall a facebook status *what is it with me and facebook statuses ? this is not good* of one of my "friends" . It's really sick how nowadays I feel so alone in a room full of people and when there's no one there.

I feel a need to release ... all this stuck up "pressure" inside of me, something like a prick of a needle to a over-blown balloon and all the air come out.

I come to this place everyday and I look at these people and wonder if they notice the change that has come over me, but apparently they do not, because they really don't really care even though they smile at me and ask me " How are you doing ? " but it's all part of a formality that humans engage in. they don't ask because they care.

In all I want to thank God for life ! ( That he helps me make it through this )

WHY MEMORISE WHEN I CAN SAVE EVERYTHING TO MY BLACKBERRY SMARTPHONE ....

2011-07-06T09:49:00.003+01:00

... Well, If I had one . I would not bother to cram all the elements on the periodic table because with blackberry phones just like the iphone, there is an application for everything. I wouldn't need to be as ~~smart~~ hardworking as I am now. Whole nights of cramming stuff up...Running all the way to the lecture theatre just to tell Bimbo that I was in room 209 and not room 989 like she thought.

I would walk differently because having a blackberry phone changes your genes and entire being so that you all of a sudden become a member of a higher class of humans " the BBeings " as opposed to just being a regular human.

I would have been able to keep in touch with the white lady that came over to our vilage with Chike the son of Nwafor. She stayed with us for 4 nkwo market days, during that time I had gotten to know her and discovered that not only does she pick her nose but that she doesn't go to the toilet only to powder her nose.

Chike was the first to leave our village. After primary school, his teacher has said the he was a promising lad and that He would take him over to Lagos where he would attend secondary school. All in exchange for little service such as cleaning the house everyday, learning to make world-class meals, making those meals three times or more a day, doing the dishes afterwards, taking care of two toddlers and one adolescent, doing the laundry of the whole family,and some other "little" miscellaneous tasks. Chike was still expected to go to school and have time to take care of his business - appear at school looking smart everyday while he only had one uniform pair, take care of assignments, study for tests, ...

Back in the village, the general idea was that Cike was living the life. No more farm runs for him, it was all enjoyment now. He was in Lagos... But was that really what it was ?

Now how did Chike get to meet the white lady ? And why am I talking about Chike's life right now when I had initially started this write-up talking about my self and certain things that I do not possess ?

Keyboard happy

2011-06-06T23:21:00.002+01:00

Nowadays, I look at these young ones knowingly when they talk about all these social networks. In my days, when you heard the word "network", you thought about electricity, but today it's about computer networks and social metworks. How times have changed...

In those days, my only means of communicating with people, other than actually going to see them, was by letters and telegrams. Most people don't even know what telegrams are these days. Back in my days if you sent someone a telegram, you would go around feeling like you was the s*** (yes granny knows your lingo)

I used to be the girl whose yansh, all those boys would stare at and fall into gutters. Yes I was the .... Back then I made sense *winks* . I once had a white man stop his car to talk to me while I was on my way to the stream.

It was a day like every other day, I had noticed a car drive past on my way to the stream and on my way back, the car was parked by the side of the road next to Ima's father's hut. Christopher - He had told me I could call him that, even though I insisted with Sir - was seated on the hood of his ride smoking a cigarette.

I can remember thinking to myself that he wasn't like the reverend father who my naive self had begun to believe was some form of divine being and I never seemed to be able to read into his eyes. But with Christopher it was different, first of all, it was obvious that he was human because he coughed twice while exhaling smoke like when water was used to quench the flames of the wood in the fireplace. And then when I looked in his eyes I knew exactly what was on his mind. It was the same look that Obinna had in his eyes when he talked to me on the ufo market day.

As Christopher tred to make talk with me I quicly told him that I needed to go home as I was expected to return with the water and I couldn't be seen talking to just any man. I hurried away from him so as to make sure no one saw us together. Even though I knew that eyes had seen and mouths would talk while ear would hear evn if they weren't listening that I Osa, daughter of Ovie, had been admired by a white man.

From then on, the suitors didn't stop coming to Ovie - my father's house. The village head all of a sudden decided that Ovie should be decorated as a chief. My mother's shop was packed with customers even after she had sold all her wares. One customer had offered to buy her slippers at a ridiculously expensive price, she had almost slapped him.

All these things other favours were shown to my family members just because of the 67.87 seconds that I had spent it Christopher. *Dont ask how I calculated the time because everyone know that Nokia phones come with the stopwatch feature ... Duh ! *

SO nowadays when I look at these young men that come to see my grand-daughters and be telling me about school and how they want to study with girls that live at 150 naira okada away from where their own houses are, I want to slap the taste out of their mouth. What do they think, that because my breasts are sagging, tha means my brain is too ???

SMH at these youngings, Don't be stoopid Aww !!! :D

UNCERTAIN

2011-04-13T05:18:00.004+01:00

I woke up with a desire to write up a post...

Yesterday one of these good ideas for a blog post crossed my mind. It was supposed to be something cool. It was supposed to be a short post but it was to be a nice one.

Yesterday I had it all planned out, today ... * well you get the message *

I saw all the comments I was going to get, I saw Ibhade, I saw Myne, I even saw that new girl blogger that had before now never commented or read my blog. I saw her face light up when she read this post and I heard her ask herself " How did he know ? ". I smelt her make-up ... or what was left of it. She had hurriedly put it on just before she left school - them no dey tell person where im go meet im future husband :D ...

You would ask how I know, it's a girl ??... well I just know. I know a lot of things like how water turns to vapour when the sun or any other source of heat, heats it up. I also know that alcohol could alter your behaviour.

I know that Papa Chinedu didn't leave Mama Chinedu with his "clear eyes", No, there was that coloration that hadn't been there, in his eyes, the day he brought her home on his motorbike. He had wanted to hire a car for the day, their wedding day, but she had refused, she talked about one naira and one million ....????? * I doubt she had "clear eyes" too * I doubt that she only listened to the praise and worship tapes produced by her church choir. I doubt a lot of things ....

I doubt the sincerity of Goodluck Jonathan and if you like you can sue me but I doubt that Fashola was a model kid growing up. I'm certain he beat other kids at football and laughed when he dribbled them and they fell down. I'm almost certain he stole 25 kobo from that part of his mama's wrapper where she ties money. I don't know what a model kid is but ... * fill the blanks *

About filling the blanks, it's just like this time where I filled in for Chinedu, yes that Chinedu, the one that got sent out of the boarding house and his parents had to relocate so he could make it to school early everday. That Chinedu that didn't realise the sacrifices his parents made for him. The one that talked to his mother in a tone I considered too "oyinbo". If I had ever tried that with mama gfunc, it's certain this blog would never exist.

This blog where I write down my thoughts and thoughts of what I would like to think of...This blog where I don't often put up posts as much as I should. This blog where I've come to write a post and I think to my self

" I woke up with a desire to write a post ... "

THE SMELL OF PERFUME AND CHEAP WINE ...

2011-03-28T13:33:00.002+01:00

Do not think that my title has anything to do with what I'm going to speak of in this post cos it doesn't or maybe it does ... well we'll see as the post goes on because right now I have no idea what i'm going to write on ...

I put up a post last friday that was inspired by the housewife *not so much of one now* who tells "nitty-gritty" tales :D * I know that sounds wack but abeg no come put sand for my garri by saying it* and it was kinda cool, and now seeing that I got two comments from my two most regular commenters IBAHDE
and Myne and I guess they want me to blog more often so here goes ...

I guess I'll do this random because the ideas are not coming, so ...

I went to church yesterday ... not like I don't go to church every sunday, but this sentence has to start in some way and not necessarily by "In church yesterday ..." because not everybody know what day yesterday was cos I sure sey for some parts of the world my yesterday was not their yesterday cos mine was sunday and thiers might have been tuesday or wednesday .... I don dey stray from the original aim of this post.

So like I was saying ~~before I interupted myself~~ I was at church yesterday and then the day's message was on faith and stuff and I think it was a kinda cool message talking about how it's impossible to please God without faith... Go check out the book of Hebrews chapter 11 *good stuff I tell you* . Anyways I know a bunch of you guys have heard messages on faith and stuff but in any case what made that special was that I got on facebook that evening and there was some guy also talking about faith , coincidence ???

In other news, I just might be getting married soon and I mean semi-geological kinda soon lol. I read a lot of blog posts about people's relatives asking them when they were going to get married and stuff. but I normally assume that these people are in quite older that me cos I no too dey look my self like old person na abi na because i get bear-bear ?. From yesterday's talk i guess i should start paying closer attention to ~~girls yanshes~~ girls so that I can pick one to be my girlfriend and then we go come marry after "dating" for some time or better still we no go even date sef I go just pray then God will reveal my wife and I go go yarn the babe sey we gats marry na na na or else God go vex * Father forgive me * or even better yet I fit do it Chinua Achebe old school style and just tell my mama to go find girl wey come from a good family and the day wey i go see her first na the day wey we go do engagemant and then that night there will be a test .... *CENSORED*

So I titled this post "the smell of perfume and cheap wine", I guess i'll just have to say something about that . I saw that phrase somewhere and I thought it was reall catchy and kinda cool so i wrote it on facebook and guess what ??? nobody even commented on it . i was like what the ??? Why was I the only one finding that quote beautiful... ok not beautiful but then there was a kind of mystery about it that just made you want to say something, no ?

Oh well so I decided to keep on writing about it everywhere until i got someone to feel the exact way I felt about it and then leaves a ~~really long comment~~ comment that makes me go " Now that's what I was expecting !! "

I know this post has been really just one big rant but i did it for love, but seeing that the result is not so cool I shouldn't have bothered sef

AREA !!! * south-south style * THIS IS GOING TO BE LONG POST THE LOOKS OF THINGS

2011-03-25T10:27:00.006+01:00

Does my title even make sense ?

So I logged on jejely on google reader to see who had updated and of course who hadn't and there was a post from IBHADE . You know the apparently Edo woman who gives us the latest gossip in her area, from her diary-kinda, friend-yarning-with-friend-gossip kinda blog ? ... * sounds of crickets creeching* ... hmmm ? Well if you don't, check her out here. :D

So she got talking about how she doesn't give a **** anymore about certain stuff she used to fret about back in the day, and was asking herself if she was normal ... Well if she thinks there something wrong with her attitude towards things then that will mean that I'm probably irredeemable.

Like her I don't care much for designer articles; clothes, accesories, shoes, whatever. I go for quality most times that not. I don't care much for appearances and I more often want to appear at my worst.

You ask why ??? ... ~~me too~~

Firstly I'll say it's just a way of me wanting people to appreciate ~~me for me~~
another human like themselves just because. I do not believe in working to gain the love of someone ... I guess.

I want to live in a ~~perfect~~ world where people are not moved by physical things - beauty, money, cars, swagger even. I don't know if I'mmaking any sense but I guess it would be quite complicated to explain what i'm trying to mean because sometimes I don't even understand what I want myself.

I've been in situations where I've let go of certain benefits I could have gained from people just because I was made to feel I HAD to do something for that person in return. I don't do this with everybody, it's usually with ~~people I call friends~~ friends and family or those that I have plans to someday consider as friends and family if you get what i mean ...

I like to give stuff out ~~when I do that is~~ *winks* without expecting anything in return. I mean, if I let you have something, it's gone and forgotten, I don't really expect you to pay me back ... even though it could be nice to have that though. But you'll never hear me make statements like "Shebi after all I've done for him/her/you, he/she/you could/could not ..." *try to understand this sentence*
or "You know you owe me for what I did for you on *insert occasion* " or ... well y'all get it already.

I'm the sort of person that would go weeks not cutting my beard, cutting my hair, or even rubbing mama africa vaseline on my skin just beacause and I'm still the one who goes out of his way to buy some "expensive" soaps, really swing deodorant *I don't joke with that even though I may not look so fried rice but i dislike smelling like beans :D* I'd cut my hair every single friday and trim my beard just perfect. i like to ~~look good~~ to dress up and look presentable but that's definetely not what deifnes me. People ought to try to read between the lines of the sentences that make up the book of the lives of people * I like *

In another rant, I'll talk about entirely different stuff, like how this girl caught me staring at her yansh and went to report me to my mama * I joke, I joke , I kid, I kid * No actually, I want to talk about ~~how I've come to appreciate sun and stuff~~ how I found this blog about a Lagos "celebrity" of some sort who keeps a blog that recounts "his" "fun filled" night life in the city of lagos and other major nigerian cities where e dey happen.

I read and I really don't know what to make of all he says, I kinda admire the way he's chosen to stand for something * smh * and not give a **** . Because there's usually a disclaimer at the start of all his posts warning people of the content that might figure in his write-ups and a bunch of other stuff ~~how many people get the correct web etiquettes to read the disclaimer sef ?~~ but some people just have to play preacher and try to ~~force~~ advice this adult to change from his ways * insert blank look and then picture me laughing in esperantus * . It is cool to advice people and talk to them about God and stuff, but if all you have to say when you come to play is based on what society considers "moral" then you have no idea what moral is.

I've always read this sort of post - which sort of post you say ? well posts like the one i'm writing now - and didn't think i'd one day be writing one like it anytime soon but you never know ...

I'd love to "rant" some more so I'll just start another post after this one so that way y'all don't have one long ass post to deal with so I say;

À tout de suite !!!

P.S : I tried editing but I just tire for the matter jo !

THOUGHT I HEARD EM SAY 2

2010-12-26T20:44:00.004+01:00

I walked over to Bro. James who was conducting the cleaning for that day to know what task I had been assigned. After obtaining details on how I was going to dismount the canopies, fold up the canvas and then ensure that they were taken back to the rentals, I walked over to the first Canopy where Dayo, who I was going to be working with, awaited me.

I said hi and made some quick talk about how I once had a tee_shirt like the one he had on - a white tee with "it's not easy being green" written in front with green ink. He had this sheepish look that showed appreciation or respect or something . I didn't think much of it though.

Five minutes and one canopy dismounted later, I noticed Dayo looking at me .

"You don't notice her do you ?", he said,

"Notice who ?" I replied,

"The blue-eyed blond"

"What ???"

"You mean you don't notice her" he said, with an eye-lid raised,

I looked around and tried to figure out who he was talking about but most people were doing one thing or another in the church premises and I really couldn't make out who he was talking about

"I give up man, are you telling me or what ?" I said,getting impatient

"Well", he began, "I've noticed Chinelo look at you a couple of times in that way"

"What way ?" I almost shouted. Why was he beating around the bush ?

"Well you know when a girl likes a guy, there's a way she looks at him and then she often talks to Yemisi afterwards in that girly-gossip manner"

"Hmmm..." I said feeling a rush of excitement but didn't let it show

"Hmmm...?????" said Dayo "What do you mean hmmm...???"

"Ok" I said acting cool and all but inside me I couldn't believe that the prettiest girl in the church,whose father was really involved in church activities , was looking at me

"I just told you what I noticed", said Dayo in a resigning tone

He kept quiet for a while and we were able to finish three more canopies in silence, then he said,

"You don't like her ?"

"I don't hate her man, I bare even know her, so I don't know.Besides,we really need to work faster, we have two more canopies and there's that rental guy's place where we have to take them to so ...."

We worked for two more hours because we had to wait a bit at Funky rentals. The guy had gone over to set up canopies at some primary school graduation ceremony. Thanks to my bargaining skills which I put in full use this time, I was able to blackmail the guy with his lateness and stating that I had some important thing to do and he delayed me and so I was taking out 250 naira from his charges.

I got back to the church and Chinelo was still there with Yemisi doing pretty much nothing. I walked over to brother james and handed him the receipt and the "change" I had obtained. I said hi to the "sisters" and I noticed right there that Chinelo avoided my eyes while replying and Yemisi smiled at me while leaving on display all 32. I just acted like a "big boy" and made my way for the gate when I heard my name

"Chikanelo"

I didn't turn back for fear that I was imagining things

"Bro Chikanelo"

I turned and saw Yemisi walking towards Bro james while Chinelo was still seated and looking at me

"Did you call me ?", I asked

"Yes I did", she said "You have a cockroach on your shirt"

I really dislike cockroaches but in order not to "fall my hand" before her I gently shook my shirt and watched the insect scurry away unlike normally when I would dance kpalango in a bid to get off the insect and then then with someone else's slippers crush the bug to smithereens

I looked at her and said thanks but I didn't see any lovey dovey look in her eyes, I wondered as I walked out of the church

On my way home just as I walked past Kemi's place, my phone rang. I brought out my nokia 8310 to hear the prettiest voice I had ever heard say my name ... again !

THOUGHT I HEARD EM SAY

2010-10-02T14:25:00.004+01:00

I thought I heard em say they loved me
I thought they meant it
I thought they saw beyond my wealth and beauty but now all that's gone I know better
I lived like there was no tomorrow
well Today is the tomorrow I thought there never was
Doesn't make sense
That's normal most people think I'm crazy

****************************************************

I woke up and looked at the clock,It was a couple of minutes to seven which left me about and hour to get set to be on my way to church.I had promised to join in cleaning up the church building the week before so ....

Teeth cleaned, hair brushed and bathroom slippers on, I made for Iyana Ishashi taking Alebiowu street.It had rained the night before so a quick spray of muddy water on my clothes by an Okada man and there was no doubt that I'm not living the life I want to be living.

I brush my shoulders *not like there was any dirt there but because I can dey like form like mumu sometimes* , I bring out my mp3 player that I had bought second-handed from an Aboki *malam **Hausa trade** * at Alaba-rago.

The Aboki had sold it to me thinking he had ripped two hundred naira off me but little did he know that this mp3 is worth way more to me than I paid him for it.Even though I had bought it at 300 naira less than the average buyer I knew I could have gotten it for 200 hundred lesser than I did but I was in such a happy mood to get it that i let that 2H slip *it ain't goin happen next time man, money wey I go jejely use carry sukirat go Mama Iyabo place chop better Amala kpshewww!!! *

A couple of touches later and I have Drake singing Paris morton music to my ears

Wouldve came back for you ,
I just needed time, to do what I had to do
caught in the life, I cant let it go whether thats right I will never know,
hoping you will forgive me, never meant wrong,
tried to be patient, waited too long,
but I wouldve came back, but i wouldve came back,
wouldve came back, wouldve came back.
Wouldve came -

Hearing his voice calmed me all of a sudden. As I walked on Adaloko road, seeing all the naked little kid on the street, watching Papa George trying to get fresh with the Paraga woman's daughter, seeing four people on one okada risking their lives just cos they didn't have much other options of transportation, even as I stop by kemi's place to buy roasted corn and coconut (my lunch later on) I felt like I was seeing a movie ... loking at my own life from the angle of a second person.

Music is my drug, it's what gets me through some hard times and stuff.

I walk pass a couple of pretty girls and i'm like "if only I was more of a man, I'd go say hi" and that's the most I do I continue my walk and finally I get to church and I stop before the gate to wonder if I was worthy to go in. I say a hurried prayer and walk in.

The first thing I lay my eyes on are Iheoma's breasts , I quickly look away and behold Daisy, the girl I've "loved" since like forever.If I ever get the chance .... well there's really no need to dream unrealistic thing now, is there ?

***************************************************

whatever was going through my mind writing,this I have no idea
I hope someone finds sense in it and you don't waste your time

Cheers loves !!!!!!!

2010-09-07T09:12:00.000+01:00

You don't joke with mama Gfunc,I mean you just don't.

To say that I'm capable of imagining what would happen if I ever dared to "try" her would would be like saying I could fly.I'm saying it would be possible but then quit hard to believe....y'all get what I'm trying to mean?

One day...

lol that line reminds me of tales I read as an adolescent

Anyways ,On a fateful day * or was it a fateless one? * I think I wasn's feeling okay that day cos really....let me explain:

With mama gfunc.... I look at the way I wrote "mama gfunc" beginning with a small letter and I say to myself:

"Oh boy you don get levels oh, like so you can fit to try that kind thing now? fear dey catch me oh"

It's like that kinda Obama feeling *wetin dey do me with this Obama sef?* to be able to write the name that way.It's like how back in secondary school we would proudly call teacher by their names: first or surnames but only when they were note present but with mama gfunc it's worse and really hard to explain.

I watched in fright .... No terror at occasions when this lady dealt with hard core criminals sorry my older brothers and sisters when they commited crimes sorry were being a bit naughty like every normal little kid.

Her methods of discipline ranged from stripping *yeah butt ass naked* and sending them out in the streets while flogging their yanshes.Her methods or detaching the clothes were rude and crude and I'll leave that to y'all to imagine cos "graphic" descriptive details are going to traumatise you *it's certain why y'all think I write so much random ish?.... Anybody??.... Well go figure !*

After her torture sorry discipline sessions it became kinda hard to believe that my mother was human or even had a heart.I knew she wasn't the anti-christ cos dude should be a dude and should be doing politics and ish but the day mama gfunc became the treasurer of the residents of Close 100,satellite town, I boardered on ideas of moving out of the house at 8 1/2 years old

The day I tried to talk about at the beginning of this rant may seem to have been forgotten about but it's kinda hard not to get emotional and pour out your heart when you have such experiences as part of your past .

School was over and being that big sis was having extra lessons and that was not because she no sabi book or that she needed it ,No..it was mama gfunc's desire look at it as a kind of caprice,anyways I had to go home with a friend of mine taking the only sorry usual route I did with my sis but a winsh sorry my friend told me he knew of another route to my place which goes through his house and then that one was much more fun than my boringly usual one.

I sheepingly followed him and I had walked say 336m away from the entire area of possible locus allowed for horseplay when going home taking the usual way and I was looking at a puddle of muddy water with those red thingys we used to call "sucking blood" that appears most times after it rains in "bush" areas while having my "private Biological field trip" I began talking crap like I still do this day I sensed a presence,an overwhelming feeling came upon me that I couldn't shake I turned around and there she was ....

DISCLAIMER: We at gfunc's will take no responsibilty for the potrayal of a certain individual in a certain light.Abeg oh we no fit shout pass the one wey we dey.Make nobody pour sand for we garri by repeating this anywhere ever not even in your minds abi na una won carry us go hospital ?

2010-09-07T08:58:00.003+01:00

I find it difficult hugging guys,I mean guys like "the male" species.Ok probably not just guys even girls too but it's a lil bit easier with females especially fine babes lol.

*******************************************************************

I saw her at Okoko bustop she had on a black skirt....sacred design it had,that skirt. On her feet black shoes then ever other thing she had on was of a lemon green colouration.No wonder why she caught my eye cos the lemon green colour has me as one of it's greatest fans.

I immediately decided that my bus wasn't really that important anymore even though a couple of minutes earlier, I had been fuming mad that I was going to be late all because these "yeye" Danfo bus drivers wanted to protest to no avail cos as usual they don't ever change nada with their impromptu strikes.

I stared to the other side where stood "Miss lemon"and being that I couldn't be calling her miss lemon all the time I brushed off the dirt on my shoulders put on my hat and sheepish "Jamie foxx/Obama smile" * hard to imagine eh? Well even for me too * and walked across the road to ask her name and later on I would ask for her phone number,house address,occupation,genotype,sexual orientation, ... lol

Getting closer to her side of the road while trying to put on more swagger to my walk and perfecting my sorry excuse for a smile,I saw her make to cross the road

"shit", * unconscious pronounciation when I realised what she was doing *

Mid way across, improvisation/innovation came into play,I continued walking,got to where she had been standing and I turned back looking like I has lost something and began to retrieve my steps

" This babe won make her yansh dribble me sha? Na there she go sabi sey me can dey play football like Okocha "

Midway across the road I screamed in a bid to get attention,her attention in particular but then I heard another scream and before I could turn to see why, I knew no more.

People always be talking about people's lives flashing before them when they dying and ish,I have one word for them

"lol"

Whoever decided the abbreviation " lol " could be a trend ... was a genius.

I didn't see no " life " flash before me instead I saw lemon green.No be only life dey flash

" life ko ,life ni "

WHERE DID I GO WRONG ?

2010-09-07T08:36:00.003+01:00

Hi guys, it's been an awefully long bit and I just want to apologise to all my followers and all those who pass by here from time to time.I miss you guys loads.I haven't really been away from blogsville -lol never thought I would use that word.I read all your posts from reader but the internet connection I have is messed up and doesn't let me put up posts *at least the one time I tried to*

Anyways I would like to holla at my girl Ms.'dufa-haven't heard from her in a while so try and holla and why the heck is your blog not found ?

I would like to holla at Miss natural,Good naija girl,Zel,Yankeenaijababe, Myne Whiteman and everyone else who stopped by.Thanks for all the love.

I had written a couple of stuff down but was unable to post em so I'm a do that just after this

Bisous !!!

STEPHAN EPISKOUPO....

2010-04-04T07:38:00.004+01:00

...has nothing what so ever to do with this blog post,it just sounded like a really cool blogpost title hehe!

You know that God's awesome,right?

Like who the heck y'all think gets you up in the morning?

cos looked at from the angle where I am now,the fact that you're "semi-dead" when you sleep make it quite easy to say that one could easily pass to the dead state.

Like when you sleep,you're on the boundary of life and death and more in the dead zone if you ask me.But there's a Power,something greater than you and me that gets you up,not like an electric equipment that gets spoilt and is no longer reparable.

I'm not coming out as clear as I want to but I think someone somewhere gets the message that I'm trying to pass across saying that GOD is AWESOME.

I pumped up a whole lot of calories in me that I was kinda scared about the way I ate a couple of days ago.I see people trying to loose weight and stuff.Paying huge sums of money to probably go to gym or something,waking up every saturday morning to go jugging..... and I'm here trying to turn into Yokozuna.na wa oh!!!

This is another random post to say anything that comes to my mind being that I haven't been up in here in a while and I'm trying to overcome what's keeping me from blogging.

Funny thing is I had all this ideas going on in my head all week and the week before but at this very moment that I type they're all vanished like poof...sucks!!

I'm guessing that somewhere someone has been coming over to check on my blog to see if I have put up an update or something but getting disappointed that I don't have any up when he/she gets here.I wanna thank you for your...fidelity lol...and say that you should leave a comment and tell me I actually was write about saying what I just said in this paragraph

I hope this "rant" of randoms thoughts qualify as a post.

Cheers!!!

P.S

To anybody reading me...well not reading me but reading my blog for the first time,I offer you a kiss/peck if you're a girl and a handshake if you're a guy hehe.I guess that's fair enough

and my next post will be coming up real soon with something real cool to read so stay fixed and don't touch that dial * lol I be sounding like Shola thompson or Dan foster hehe*

Okay I best leave now before someone hit me with a rock for my silly "jokes"

BYEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THIS IS THE LONGEST POST I EVER WROTE AND THE SILLIEST SONG I EVER QUOTE COS MY PRESIDENT IS BLACK?MY LAMBO'S BLUE AND I''LL BE HAPPY IF MY RIMS .....

2010-01-22T09:15:00.008+01:00

It's really funny how as a kid I'd read books and just read.... but as I got older I began to realise the amount of work it takes to actually write stuff and not just any stuff but stuff that makes sense.A whole lot of things; creativity,discipline and like hanging on to the end and also being able to see where you're going before you actually get there so that what you do now will rhyme in an absolutely choc * my own word hehe* way.

It's just something I was thinking about and I decided to write it up there,I wonder if anyone feels the same way or it's just me or ....

**************************************************************************

I walked over to the Notice board and there was my representation-a drawing of someone that represented me.I was delighted at the fact that for once I actually had some publicity at a school wide scale.

I know y'all is not getting the whole picture of what I'm saying so I'll try to develop some background detail so that when I come back to the point where I left off= " ....wide scale " .

In school where I was in my first year,after all the years of staying back home and playing the lottery that jamb has a good percentage of nigerian students involved in.During this period I had worked a couple of jobs,manual jobs to be exact,infact load carrier to be more clear.This job had come through a cousin of mine who worked a store selling bags of rice of 50kg a sack and being that I was in the process of prouving to myself that I wasn't the lady like man that most people have the tendency to think I am,I took up the job and during the time stepped up my everyday work out and at the end of a year period i could proudly say "I am a whole nother swagger level,see pic below:

pretty impressive at 17 don't y'all think? lol

Anyways back to the main stuff,I got into school and was feeling like "nfana ibaga" though there were a couple of other guys that could make me close my mouth at anytime,story of sey no be only me sabi do "homework", but when i say a couple I really mean a couple so I had a certain level of respect which only increased for each time I opened my dress shirt or didn't take off my body hugging tees.And to top all of that It wasn't just for show I was actually able to opress a lot of guy and I mean literally opressing them not like I ever did though, ok maybe a few times but I was only stronger than me I couldn't help it.

Shy guy who always went to church and read his books never gave me lots of opportunities to be as vain as I would have liked.I went through first semester and having cool results though not as good as I would have wanted but hey I had a whole lot of guy *remember a lot means a lot*and a couple of girls *scarce resource in my school,sad story* being envious of my grades hehe!!

Second semester had me wanting to come out of this imaginary cage restraining me.Fill in for the Macho man competion of the school but I later on was to find out that Church people had organised a programme for that night and they were mostly against the futility and vanity of going about exhibiting your body and a view of your privates included.So macho man and Miss pretty of the school day had me in church asking God to make my grades better than the last year's, give me and my parents loads of cash and maybe help up catch Osama Bin laden and also stop all the wars and poverty going on around the world and yeah that he also....

Since I couldn't go in for that I later on found out there was to a Pretty boy show which didn't require taking off so many items of clothing and there was also to be another Fine girl competition.Getting to find out that there weren't so many contestants I decided to apply on the same day of the competition just to do something different ,y'all see how long it takes for me to decide to have fun or do something I don't do everyday,not to say that there aren't people who do these things without even giving it a second thought but me.....it had to be a war.

I came out of the competion not winning and not even close to being the winner.

REASON: Boy has absolutely no swagger even though he's cute,real cute even and could have my number anytime but he's not what we're looking for.actual wonner has a whole lot of swagger and enough fine so he'll do.Sad decision but it has to be made

hehehehehe

A week or two after this event,I was in my room whne I heard the voice of two guys,one was " my manager " at the said event and the guy was a friend of mine, both being my classmates had had a clash during one of our course and let's just say things got out of hand.

A bit of details: Guy 1 was a big ass bully who hardly ever found anyone to contest his desires except me and Guy 2,was more like the all talk and not too much bite and he being skinny didn't help matters at all.

At the moment when I came out Guy 1 had Guy 2 at the edge of the balcony,I quickly moved in to restrain him before he did something silly.It wasn't easy but I did it * does this line remind anyone of anything? *

Back to the main phrase I actually wanted to make before I started talking about all this really unnecessary stuff in the bid to make y'all understand what I'm saying even tough I know that I've done a bad.....real bad job of doing that.In other words,or should I say in the actual words like the only words that real comprehensible humans use: Please refer to the third paragraph

I stood before the board that had a drawing representing me and the two guys that fought and how a ceratain Mr Fine boy (from behind) was macho enough to stop the violence in a dormitory hall.Why the heck didn't he contest for the macho competitiopn where his talents would have been more appreciated and together with his fine boy,he definetely would have won.

I was speechless.Some people recognised me and came over to ake small talk,I even signed a couple of autographs...yeah right!

Disclaimer: I, in no way, mean to give a false impression of the character in the story even if it * the character that is * is similar to any person or persons alive ,asleep or in some sick bay *they are mostly sleeping all day so can they be said to be alive?*. Well if the character resemblance to anyone, I don't really care hehe

BOOM BOOM yeah! yeah! fire don catch me oh!

2009-12-28T05:15:00.010+01:00

I signed into google reader and saw that Vera had put up a new post.It was a sunday morning and I was set for church but just decided to glance at my various accounts online *yahoo,google,facebook,...* but as it was a verastic post,I decided to just do a quickie since I couldn't really tell when next I would be online and just like a delicious scenting meal,you can't help yourself,you just gotta have some.

I began to read about how she wished the whole of blogsville a merry christmas and in general it was a post rhyming with the season.I was about to close the window and save the post for later when my eyes caught the words Nigeria and terrorist.I thought it was a joke so I went on to read.It actually was a joke *or so I thought* about some Nigerian suicide bomber *don't fit,right?*

She said the guy had been trained in Yemen to mmake explosives and ish and that he had boarded the plane from Nigeria to Detroit and I think he had attempted to blow up the plane somewhere around Amsterdam but then he had been caught and stuff.

My first impression was that it was just another "story" to get nigeria once again in the highlight,cos people can't just get enough of Nigeria in international news and what better news to hear than some about how we're a corrupt nation and stuff.But Terrorism???!!!! now that just don't fit.

She went on to say that Nigerian and Terror don't go along like the only time you find those two word in a sentence is when you talk about how it's nearly impossible for Nigerians to be terrorist so I guess the dude(Omar Farouk Abdul Mudallab) was just trying to prove he could be the new ""Obama bin laden" for the west" if you get my drift?

Like seriously,Nigerians do all sort of stuff for money,but they want to have money and stuff and live to enjoy it.Like Nigerians could kill someone else for money but not themselves.I doubt that money was the reason for this dude's action I seriously do *see me talking about general knowledge like it's my personal intuition*

I'm trying to make a point here about how Nigerians and terrorism just don't go along,I don't think I'm making a good job of it like my boy Scribbles would but not to worry I have a feeling he'll not delay to do so soonest.

One more way we could look at this is if this guy has been brainwashed by some juju ish,like yeah! Y'all can't deny not knowing about all them old ladies that live behind your family compound in the village that tend to be "doing" your ass,sometimes for no absolute reason or maybe because you father's father happened to have sent her mother to the stream to fetch water for him to clean his cutlass and then she takes it upon herself to revenge her mother all because of the childhood tale her mothe recalled during the burial of your father's father and all this while you're totally ignorant of your family's "great trespass" *I hope y'all get this,you ought to be a regular nigerian to understand this*

Anyways,the guy must have some familiar evil spirits running after his ass that cuased him to fall the hand of his family

"bloody maga"

I get to the end of this post and want to say that I think we're having an e-fight,I and
Ms' Dufa She don't be commenting on my blog like it was in the begining.I guess this is the way all realtionships turn sour.It hurts to think it couldn't be different with her.

"She's just like the rest"

P.S

"This is a challenge Dufa,prove you're different and let's be the new 2010 "Bonnie and Clyde" lol" just holla babe,haven't seen you here in a bit

Like you'll never leave me

2009-12-24T15:41:00.004+01:00

I remember sometime a long while ago.I woke up that morning and put on the television.It was about 5 o'clock and I was lucky to not be able to sleep normally,I say lucky cos on a "normal" day I would happily sleep till 10 o clock mininmum if my mama didn't decide that a bowl of cold water to my head would do me some "secret" good * I tried for a while to figure out what good is and I don't think I've quite figured out till this day.

Back to me being lucky,I was able to watch the television without being bullied to change the station to one that satisfied general interest *I lived in a family of 1O kids*

As I changed the stations,searching for one that had begun broadcast,this was at a time when 24 hour tlevision was unheard of unless your papa fit buy cable *this includes satellite tv,cable tv and all the rest* I ~~stumbled on~~ finally got to the only station that had begun broadcast and there was some music programme going on and there was this song with some funnily and scantily dressed woman saying something in the lines of "horny honey,I'm horny horny honey tonight" and she kept trying to curly up and looked really depressed.I didn't get the song.

Today I do,he left after ~~he said~~ he stared at me and just walked out and he never even turned back to look at me or did he?

It's been three months and I really do miss him,~~a part~~ parts of my body yearns for him.

*******************************************************************

I had just gotten admission into secondary school and I had gone over to his place to let him know about it.

His name was Dany and so was mine and they said we were namesakes so that meant we had to be more considerate for each other more that all of our other friends.

I met him coming out of his room and he turned back and signaled to me to come in.As I walked in he pulled my hand from where he was hid behind the door and everything happened so fast that before I new what was happening he had said "let me show you something" and had begun showing me how his lips could touch mine.

The way he did it was so innocent,he just had his lips touching mine slightly and he was moving his head in a sinusodial pattern,he was so funny I burts out laughing

"What's funny? ",he said,

"You need to see yourself",I replied "what were you trying to do?"

"I saw Mr Bode and a woman doing the same thing and it seemed they were having fun so I decided to try"

"Maybe you're not doing it well",I suggested "Let's try again"

Thus began our "relationship" that would have us being special friends till the day I met Tunde.

I had never been close to anyother person than Dany,everyother person I knew was either scared of me or was family.But Tunde wasn't scared at all,I think he even made me scared sometimes.We had this converstaion one day;

"How do you know that guy?",he asked,

"You mean Dany?",I said,

"His name is Dany???...ok"

"Why you talking that way?"

"Nothing,just wondering"

"Wondering what?" I asked anxiously

"But he's so ugly,what are you doing with someone like that?" he blurted

For a moment I was shocked and then I took a closer look at my retreating name-sake
and just then he turned and I saw for the first time that my "friend" wasn't exactly the prettiest of boys.From that day on,I began to see Dany lesser and lesser.Those times when he would try to hug me,or even touch me,I began to look for ways to evade those advances and from then on we stopped having those special "touching bodies moments".

I don't know what came over me,maybe the fact that Tunde was a really foiine boy or maybe the fact that he was wy more stylish than my Dany,me ex-Dany.I just can't say or maybe it was because I caught more boys staring at me than before ever since I became friends with Tunde,I just don't know

One day Dany came up to me and he said with his silly smile on his face,

"How's your boyfriend,Tunde?"

I snapped at him "Did you think I would be your girlfriend you ugly duckling,I feel so disgusted that I ever let you touch me,you sick..."

I heard the door slam shut,I had been blinded by fury,I didn't hear him walk out,I didn't even see him go.I ran to the window and saw him turn back at that moment with the sadest look ever and that smile that always lit his face wasn't there anymore and he really did look ugly,ugly but then what is ugly anyways?

It's been three months now,and I'm curled up in the same way as that woman in that video I saw couple of years back and I think I know what she meant "horny honey,I'm horny horny honey tonight"

I need my Dany back,I need him back.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

2009-12-08T15:44:00.005+01:00

A Posts that starts with me having like no idea where it's going to end or even the general idea.

The first thought coming to my mind now is the thought of change.I'm wondering what would it have been like if I had acted differently,if things had turned out differently.

She sat there looking at me and I could see that look in her eyes,I could tell,even if people told me otherwise,that she loved me.She would shout at me in public,she even threw her drink in my face that one time at the beach but I know that she still loves me.

That's why I have her in my place all tied and beaten up....Now who's laughing?

I told y'all that she would be mine some day but y'all thought I was lying.It's been 11 months,three days and 14 hours since she became mine.My possession to use whenever I wanted.

I held her hands now and she looked at me with that same look,definetely love was in the air.

I turned to descend the stairs when I felt some swift movement behind me,I turned to find out what it was but it was too late,I hadn't even made a 90° when the cylinder of the fire extinguisher impacted on my forehead.

Everything went green-now I know they lie when they say you see white or black and hear noises-I found myself before a Big man whose face I couldn't see because of the light and awesomeness that surrounded him.

His voice was the most gentle,I've ever heard.Soothing as a deep sleep.

I heard him say, "Take him away,his name is not here"

"Who was and where were they taking me to?", I asked myself

Just then I felt the heat and a piercing scream struck my eardrums.I knew I was going to like it where I was going to.

*******************************************************************

I woke up and knew at that point that I had to stop obsessing about Rekia,I definetely had to stop.

NOT ANYMORE

2009-12-05T07:13:00.004+01:00

Walking down the road,I started to realise how much my life had changed in just a couple of months.I now had way much money than I ever dreamed I could have.I wore clothes that I didn't need...Who the heck changes five times a day? and into specially matching outfits?

I look at myself in the mirror and I'm disgusted by what I see.time was when I used to derive joy to see my cute face,nicely muscled,fatless body and my hair had me wondering if it was really mine.I thought I was a sight to see.I thought I was beautiful.Today it's not the case..No,not anymore.

On the exterior,I'm looking faboulous,exactly like I always dreamed.But internally,I know better,I know it's just like a scotch-egg.A rotten egg inside and yummy,mouth-watering coat on the outside.You never know until you bite.

I have on 6 articles of clothing,I now live in a cold part of the world.I now kiss boys.....yes BOYS,just to get money.I do things that Mum will never approve of.She would say "that's not what good boys do!"

I had all it took to be a success btu I got carried away by the fancy things,the cars,the clothes,everthing looked so...so....Amazing!

But No!....Not anymore.I try to think,how I got so filthy in such a short time.i definetely don't like the person I am now.it's not who I wanna be.I look at my life and I wonder if I'm in a movie or something.

I'd read books and see movies with men that do real awful things and I'd wonder how they changed from being innocent,cute,young kids that they once were to being diabolic humans,Now I think I have an idea...they didn't plan it.

The story of my new "job" started with clara,I think of her still.....

hehehe How y'all doing? holla at all my pips
Got mad love for y'all
sorry I'm having these sick Ideas these day but it's the most I can do with what I have right now
Cheers!

I DON'T REMEMBER

2009-11-12T07:30:00.003+01:00

I stood there looking at it's face.
It was crying and it seemed to only have one purpose:

Annoy me out of my mind

She had left him with me since last week.Just after my last rest that lasted 30mins.

She had come in just after I had fallen asleep.

She had told me it's name but now I don't remember.

I think she said it was a girl.....or was it a boy.....I seriously don't remember.

The last time I cahnged it's diapers I was tranced,under the spell of insomnia that I barely recall what I saw.

I walked slowly to it's crib,I put in my hands to grab it's neck with a desperate look on my face.I had to do it.

I had to sleep.

I saw it's face turn from red to white.It wasn't crying now.

Just then the phone rang and a voice said "Look out the window"

There I saw Mrs. Bolaji,the nosy bitch

"I called the Police and they're on their way",she said.I felt like dying and that point

then she added,"I also called the hospital son,you need help"

I never thought I could see the day I'd be thankful for the nosy B****h.I just glided into oblivion in a silence...strangely.

I thought I heard someone walk in but I don't remember...I don't remember

THE YEARS OF SLAVERY AND....

2009-11-11T08:33:00.007+01:00

....then freeedom came spontaneously.It felt weird at the beginning,none of us believed that after 5 years or being subjected to feeling enslaved,we finally had room to spread out our wings.

Our tale of life in secondary school might be similar to only a few but then among those few,we stood out.That morning I walked down the "sacred pathway" that the senior students had coveted for themselves only.We were more like animals destined to walk on the grassy,sandy pathwayalong with the Herbivores.
On the food chain the dog was on a higher strata than we,every ~~rabies~~ bite fearing senior let the dogs be.

As I walked down that morning at about 6:00am,I met Jeff along the way.He looked at me knowingly and we both burst out in screams of joy until someone in a window shouted at us to stop disturbing their sleep.

We parted,and I walked over to the final year students dormitory.I stood right in front and stared at the set of ~~supposedly~~ humans that caused us and our parents pain for over 5 years.I clenched my fist and felt like hurting someone,I felt like hurting all of them.

There they were smiling and rejoicing.

Why were they rejoicing?

Certainly not for the fact they they had come to the enc of their secondary studies

NO

It was for how they had gotten away with all the evil things they had done.These evils varied from extorting from someone,a set of provisions meant for a couple of months and wastefully consuming it in a day.It was with these guys that I saw a can of 350g powdered milk get dissolved in a cup of 5cl.The things they did with our provisions made me wonder sometimes if these people had any conscience.

A couple of them saw me and stopped smiling immediately.On a normal day I couldn't even dare to think of standing where I stood that day so they probably thought I had something backing me.They quickly moved away.Inside of me I felt joy.The joy of taking back what was rightfully mine,my freedom,even if I didn't fight for it when I should have.

I turned and walked slowly to my dormitory,I reminensced about all the times I had run away from that dormitory to avoid being caught by another senior.I had never noticed that there was a divinely beautiful flower plant by the side of the pathway.Not that I liked fllowers or that kinda stuff but I'm just normally a kind of person who notices stuff and also notice when they change.I was feeling like .....

I got back to my dormitory and there were "parties" going on.Boys were celebrtaing the "new era" with garri,cornflakes,cabin biscuits all mixed together in buckets and sauced with milk and chocolate beverages.

I sat on my bed and began to plot my next use of this new foud freedom,it was going to be the freedom of expression,the liberty to express my feelings to miss Daisy anywhere I met her and not worry about any stupid ass senior sending me to buy him some snacks with my own money.

I was imagigining me kissing her already.I smiled and that smile didn't leave my face throughout that day.I sighed with dreamy eyes

"OH DAISY!....."

DAMN!!

2009-11-06T18:21:00.004+01:00

Why does it have to be this way?

I see her in the bus and my heart melts,I try not to look at her but I find myself staring everytime I sense a movement in her direction

"Is she getting out of the bus?",I ask myself

I turn to find that she's still there,unaware that I even exist or ....

I look at the woman selling fruits by the side of the road,she looked beautiful and like she could have done a whole lot better with her life,but then I didn't know a thing about her so I wasn't going to start writing up her life's story.

A girl in a red cardigan walked up to her and started picking up some oranges,I noticed the cardigan was kinda nice and I turned away.At the same moment she turned to frown at some tout who had accidentally hit her without apologising.

I saw her face,I had been so engrossed by the woman selling orabges that I didn't even notice when she alighted the bus.The bus began to move .....DAMN!!!

I noticed that she was through with her bargaining and was paying for the oranges.I began to holler the bus driver to stop so I could make my way towards "SHE" but being my lucky day,the bus driver had to be playing some stupid ass yoruba music.He eventually heard me,but had to move a further 50m before he could find a place to park.

I hastily paid him and didn't even bother for change,a nasty mistake I was only to realise later.

I made my way towards the orange seller woman,who didn't appear to be as potential as I thought.Her spoken english only went to confirm my thoughs as she replied my enquiries of the direction her "red cardiganed female costumer" had taken

"Me I no dey sell funnel,waka go mama Flour shop go ask!

or was it "mama flower"?

I I told her I didn't mean funnel but female which is the same thing as girl but as she wasn't still understanding me,I tried to communicate in my "clssiest" pidgin english ever

"shey you see wan girl,wey wear red swota(sweater/cardigan),wey follow you buy market now now,you sabi where she pass?"

After about 3 mins of time I didn't have,I was able to extract from her that my prey had boarded a bus nearby,which was just moving away

DAMN!...

I quckly looked for a motor bike taxi(okada)

" BROS!!!!.......make you follow that "Danfo" bus "

I wasn't taking any chances with deaf or illiterate people anymore not in my life time

The chase went on for a while until I saw her get off the bus about 30 mins later,I instantly paid off "bros" and in the process "throwing away" a certain amount of money that I would have normally not dreamt of spending but I was "knocked down" by ....... "was it love?"

I approached "mademoiselle" saying

"Hi,I would..."

The words never came out of my mouth as I saw some angrily determined individual walking towards me and I think these were the words I heard

"Maga wey dey find Kpomo,if you no won go another place go find am you go see kpakpo"

I didn't wait to find out what those words meant,cos an hour of street education had intensely broadened my pidgin englis vocabulary.

I half flew,half ran,feeling the soles of my feet move close to my ears.Luckily "Bros" hadn't moved away

And surprisingly I heard these words come out my mouth

"Ja!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Yeah it could qualify for more that one word cos I didn't hear it as one word at the moment

I and bros sped off on his motor bike with my heart in my mouth and my arms around his body.....at least until I noticed the pervert having some stupid-ass smiley expression on his face.

This story came out as I put my hands to keyboard I hope y'all like it cos I had na opportunity to blog and I had to improvise.....got mad love for y'all CHEERS

MISSING IT

2009-11-03T07:04:00.002+01:00

I would like to just leave a couple of words and let all those who pass by here know that I'm alive and in goo health lol

I'm kinda unavailable for the while and don't know when I'll have a chance to note down a couple of random thoughts that pass through my brain some of the times

Miss you all like ....... Kuli kuli nah maybe more!*

cheers my loves

P.S

holla at my girl Ms' dufa

I'M GETTING MARRIED

2009-09-26T06:30:00.004+01:00

Growing up,I used to watch tv programmes like cartoons in the day time from 4pm cos that was the time those stupid NTAs began broadcast and talking bout NTA,any Lagos pips remember NTA channel 7?

Let's say cartoons were on the different station till 6:30 sometimes 7pm but after that we never really knew cos it was then time for news and ish and God bless our yanshes if we didn't have the station changed to NTA 10,they had basically the same news with NTA 5 but 10 had a clearer reception.

I know y'all is getting a bit confused for some pips who didn't have the priviledge of growing up in lagos around the same era I did.They were five Tv stations when I was younger like OGTV-which was being broadcasted from ogun state,there were the NTAs 5,7 and 10 and then there was the Lagos TV(LTV).

I would have to endure watching the news sometime so that I wouldn't miss the begining of the soap opera that would follow.The glory days of "the rich also cry", "Maria Los angeles" "wild rose" "secrets of the sands"-my fav and all the others.before these soaps would begin there would be an assault of commercials the guiness' adverts,Coca cola's and the point of this post the CIGARETTE adverts.

I adored those adverts they were always so futuristically neat and gave you the impression of a successful man of class.The houses ,the cribs and the way they placed the cigarettes on the tables or took a wiff of the smoke.It all made me feel so giddy and I began to dream.Till this day my dream model of a house came from one of the adverts in a magazine,I think it was Malboro or was it rothman's....I forget.

It had this magnificently white crib with a whitish marble table that had some kinda patterns,cool patters on it.And the dude placed his pack of cigarettes on the table togathet with his keys tto a BIG BMW which was parked outside.He was dressed so nicely and he was walking into the arms of his wife*now that I know better girlfriend or maybe even uncommited "friend"* who was equally*more than actually* divinely dressed.

There was a Piano in the background and the house had a view of nature like crazily pretty nature not the kind of nature you see in farms or ish the kind you get from moutains and unadulterated landscapes.

At about the same time,I discovered THE LADY.

I would come home every sunday to meet some stupid TV programme on NTA 5 where there played "stupid" love songs that would make me feel sick.I so hated loving and mushiness when I was little.It's a surprise that today......I digresss.

Anyways,one day I came home and there she was on the TV screen,the woman I had every intention to marry,the woman I would live with in my all white crib and drive my car with her by my side *that was the general idea in my little days I naturally felt it was the responsibility of a man to drive and the woman by his side holding his hand and ish but today,I know women who drive like "witches"*And we were going to live happily in the house just holding hands every night.She was beautiful,had a nice face and she sang and to me that was all that mattered.I didn't go round obsessing about women with extra large this or that.

She had on a wedding gown and she was singing some ish that I didn't quite understand but she didn't look happy and my 7 year old self or was I six? well I just wanted to comfort her,hold her in my arms and make her pain go away.I wanted to promise her that I was never going to cheat on her or leave her side and ish.I wanted to e the best man ever for her,reall,all 7 year old of me.

The next time I saw her,she didn't have on the wedding gown but this time I understood what she was saying "How could an angel break my heart?" I felt guilty immediatel cos there had been this pretty girl in school who sat two seats away from me whose hand I so wanted to hold.I cried when I heard her sing,it was like she was talking to me and she was crying because of me.

From Toni with love
I thought to my self "what have I done? exactly what I promised I wouldn't do"

All the while I never noticed the guys in the videos and how much she would kiss them and be engaged in a funny kinda embrace clothless.I asked my mum why she had no clothes on,she said that it was all "film trick" that reassured me especially when she offered to show me how a kiss was done in "film trick" I rudely declined "No don't worry" I think were my exact words but in a tone that had mixed emotions or surprise,disgust and fear.

Once again I was in love with Toni,more with her voice that didn't sound like all the girly girls I knew.she seemed to me like a woman I would play football with and stuff,despite the promiscuously short clothing she wore in her vids.I didn't mind,I didn't mind anything when it came to Toni,I was in love.

Until one day I saw her with a man in the video "How many ways",ever since I had known her,she sang of heartbreak and I was there to comfort her and now she was leaving me to sing for some disgustingly *now I think awesomely* muscled dude with "fried" hair.I felt so annoyed and betrayed.she never sang that kind of song to me or bothered to come look for me to hold me and kiss me on my lips like she did to the dude.

I broke up with toni that day and only forgave her some 8 years afterwards when she did this crazily nice video of "he wasn't man enough for me" I guess she had left the "fried" haired "kpako" dude.

I don't know how to end this but I know I was a maga*like scribbles says*

That's all folks.It's your boy gfunc

I KNOW... I KNOW don't bother telling me!

2009-09-21T04:35:00.004+01:00

Just a couple of words that will turn out to be the greatest rant ever.

I was just thinking about the similarity of Food and sex like they are kinda similar.For instance,You can have more than a maximum quantity of them no matter how hard you try.Prior to starting either of these activities you might say to yourself

"Today na today na me and you I go finish you die"

But there always comes that optimum point like where you no longer derive any utility from them.It follows a bloody law of Declining Utility.

I dunno how to develop this but I think they're kinda similar and when I have more ideas I'll let you know and the fact that most people have more than they should of both "things" is another similarity and they are kinda irresitible "kinda"

I recall this one time ,it was my last year in secondary school and I was becoming weird like the boy child loving skin changed female voiced MJ kinda weird,Yes!

At that time I was starting to like books not novels,comics or address books,NO! but real textbook that were written on highly advanced subjecs such as elementary maths,physics,CHEMISTRY,and a whole lot of secondary school subjects texts.I was begining to have words like Diodes,genes,bi polar junction,Surface tension crossing my mind.

I'd see a mobile phone and instead of simply concluding that it was powered by witchcraft,I'd begin to think that there were electromagnetic waves being emmited by the said phone due to the stimulation of a given substance that are propagated to a nearby transmitter mast yeah all of them big mast-like thingies which in turn transmits it to another mast and anoother till it gets to the mast nearest to the person you're calling (or being called by in another scenario) and then the persons phone rings and ish.Yeah I was that weird!

Funny thing is that at the same time I was liking book,I had begun to pick up courage to talk with some of the numerous girl I had been eyeing for the past 5 years without an ounce of courage to even ask to borrow they biros.It was a kinda complicated thingy.

One day it hit me that I had a crush for a certain girl whose hair smelt divine like this happened at the time I was supposed to be taking my final exams.It came to a maximun when one day I saw her with an ex-female classmate going to get some snacks and Courage from where-I-have -no-idea came upon me and I walked over said hi and took their hands and though I held two hands my brain and certain other nerves were more focused on my right hand cos that was where this Petite divinely fragranced girl was.Oh sweet memories! To think how I felt so much more than Obasanjo holding that hand.

I don't know about y'all but ,do y'all have any idea what it how awesome a woman's touch is?

Like sometimes the skin of a woman brushes your's and you just shiver,you have all these sound and electromagnetic waves running through every nerve in your body.I mean everybody should relate to this *probably even girls* like I mean I would so much prefer a lesbian to a gay guy *pun intended*

That's all y'all I guess this rant is come to an end

And please do leave you insults at the end in the comment box

My GRANDMUM is WICKED

2009-09-18T04:27:00.003+01:00

That sound kinda harsh but let me expalin myself.

She went on her journey,when I had just started to get to know her.Funny thing is that before this said "knowing",when I thought of her it was usually in relation to her cooking.

I'm being kinda vague,so I'll go ahead to explain me bit by bit:

"My grandma is the best cook in the world

She would concoct stews made from fresh freshly-ground tomatoes and not too much artificial ish; Tinned tomatoes,spices.A bit of salt,pepper and she got an excellent aroma emitting from whatever pot.And did I mention that She was a culinary genius? well she was.

I had to work a little bit with an uncle who she lives with,and so she was cooking my meals and became my supermum.supermum =grandma+part-time mum
She would scream at me when I came home to get my ish in order.She was like:

"Go to the bathroom and wash your ass,I won't have you messing up my crib with your yeye body wey you don use pack all the whole dust for you uncle shop"

The weekends and environmental sanitation days were the worst,she had me moving like a robot*robots hardly rest right?* I was either cleaning this or washing that or dusting those or buying them or ..... Y'all get the idea

Normally at the end of all these activities I would get my reward a bowl of steaming heaven-inviting food yeah heaven-inviting,those were the kinda meals that you ate and you wouldn't mind if that was your last souvenir before you died.

Did I mention that she's the cleanest individual I know? well this woman knows how to scrub ish till they were shining like bling bling.I never got to know the secret but she would wash white clothes with her hands and the became so brilliant.Bowls,buckets,clothes,pots,spoons .... anything that was hers had to be spotless. she used them kerosine stoves but you'd hardly ever see her pot get blackened.She would reduce the stove temp until you only saw blue flame and then she would leave it for a while before she used the stove.

She was never in a hurry to cook,she said "Na so the food go take sweet well well".y'all know she was the best cook right?.

She thought me the couple of words I know in her language "merikumeni kete" I don't know if that's how it's written but hey.It means "I will eat a lot today".With a super chef in the house,who wouldn't?

She was so devoted to God and stuff;going to night vigils evn when her health was not all cha cha,fasting and paying her tithes and ish.I really would love to imitate her devotion.

I'm quite sure that's she's with Jesus right now in that heaven that she travelled to and they're skating or doing something like skydiving from a space-craft.You guys didn't know how it gets over there?

I say my grandma left me,YES she abandonned me while I left her and went to school for less than three months.She didn't look sick to me,No not really.FINE she was kinda old but not as old as methuselah I don't think she was more than 60.They said she was sick and then ish.

But I know better,I know she abandonned me to go and enjoy herself in heaven,if that's not the case,why didn't she wait for me to come back from school?
She had to leave when I wasn't there so I wouldn't be able to persuade her to stay.

The wicked woman,YES My grandma is wicked! but I love her more that ever now.

May her soul bougie and do crazy stunts in heaven.I know she didn't have like the most "beyoncé" voice but I'm sure she's keeping it real Kanye-Tpain style for Jesus

"Dedicated to my grandma Comfort who passed away december 2008.GOD bless You
I'm sorry if I put the food and cleanliness before the fact that she was a Child of GOD but it's gfunc now and again she always knew about everything and I mean everything even if she wasn't quite sure wat it was and she mixed up things that she didn't really understand because her english was not so Queen of englandish,but she would tell you thing that made you open you mouth and not be able to close it.

GFUNC in TOKYO

2009-09-17T07:34:00.006+01:00

Nowadays I've come to start to like to go abroad.

I don't know if I've mentioned this before but I'd really like to go to some foreign coutry where you have seasons and ish like there are fancy names for the seasons.We say rainy season and dry season and sometime harmattan and that's about it.But in western countries they say ish like winter,summer,autumn,spring,fall,and a couple of other that don't come to mind right now.

I was walking through the streets the other day,in fact I was in a market where people like me go to but electronics and stuff,then it started to rain.I had to be some place and since I didn't have money to pay for "okada" *public transport in form of motor bikes*,I had to walk through the rain.

It got to a point where I began to feel kinda cold and I was shivering and then i noticed that my breath was forming fumes,like white fumes.You know how it gets in those foreign films where you see the people talking and they're producing fumes like as if they were smoking when they actually aren't,well that happened to me and I had a God sent "oyinbo" experience hehe.

I want you all to be aware that I'm a liar,that's wat Goodnaijagirl told me.And yes it is true.I write on my blog wat I feel like I place myself *or the character* where I want feel like and I write based on that.Like she asked me I might not even be a guy but that's just me,that's just Gfunc.

I just had to make this clear so that people don't get surprises and take me for someone I'm not.I may have said my name and stuff but that kinda makes me all the more anonymous because then you don't know me at all,cos I'm limited to not write all that I want and ish.But sometime I do.....It's all kinda complicated.I mostly write watever comes to mind and that's it.

I wish y'all a lovely day not minding if you don't read this post today,matter of fact I want to wish y'all a lovely life.CHEERS!

i still gat love for ms dufa*though she hasn't commented on my last post*,David *the russian*,Sir scribbles*small love* and all y'all

BY DUFA....I'M LOVED

2009-09-14T12:42:00.003+01:00

Going through my email I see all these nice comments on my blog and they're all from ms dufa,like I think she's commented on every single one of my posts,well if not all of them but I know she's read all of them.It makes me wonder seeing these comments;

Am I actually a good writer?

Can I actually get people hooked to my stuff?

But then she's like the only one constantly doing that,First there was vera,then Afrobabe even chari stopped one time to leave a comment saying he liked my blog hehe there's been Sir scribbles,Roc naija,Myne whiteman and a couple of others that I don't have in my head and yeah there are all the followers.I can't forget y'all,got mad love for y'all.

But the point remains that she's become my no.1 favorite *why do you think I'm writing a post about her?*

To think that someone who has like thios crazily organised imagination;she tells stories with details,those kinda details that help you picture a more graphic scene nto like the scanty stories I tell.I really wonder how she does it to comment each time.I find commenting on blogs tiring and I don't feel obligated to do it and stuff,first because no one's coming to comment on mine,like the people who I comment on their blogs are like those established bloggers that have like 100 comments per post on the first day,so where would they find the time and energy and ish to come comment on mine.

No offence or anything,but it's just the thoughts going through my head,I guess there are some people like me who just read and don't comment so I know how it gets.
For everyone that has ever commented on my blog and made me feel special.I'm forever *well not literally* in debt to you.Lady koko the rest I gat mad love for y'all.

If you see me walking down the strett in my normal geeky way just walk on by,don't even bothere to look cos that's what you'll do but if for once you decide to do otherwise just for once..DON'T

I'm not cool enough to be yor friend,even if you're a girl that's liking me... DON'T cos you'd be stepping away from the norms wouldn't you? like teh odd one from the stereotype

I'm rambling mega rubbish now so I gotta leave.I could say that this was post I guess.

Much love to you babe.have a nice time running two cool blogs.cheers

ME MUST POST!!!!!! 3

2009-09-10T10:23:00.005+01:00

...it was back to square one but this time he was wiser and older.He started work in a computer sales outlet where he was able to make ends meet being that the computer industry was just gaining ground in Bali.People quickly took a liking to him cos to them he knew so much about computers that they knew pratically nothing about.

One day he was in the shop alone when a young lady of about his age came in.She smiled immediatel she saw him,

"You're just the person I want to see",she said.

"ME?",he replied puzzled

"yes YOU,I was here a couple of weeks before with a friend to buy a harddrive for her pc"

"Ok,how may I help you Madam"

he thought he sounded funny acting all formal and all and saying madam ish,a couple of years before and he would have tried to get her phone number instead

"From my deductions it seems you're know pretty much a lot about computers,I'm having a problem with my processor I think it's damaged and my system no longer runs as fast as it used to.I would have tried to change it but i was wondering if you could come look at it first and tell me wat you think"

"It's likey your system is infected by a ...."

"VIRUS?" she interupted him, "I already checked that with an antivirus created by a friend of mine with all the latest updates but it found nothing,I even went through the system's directories manually but I found no discrep...."

she continued to talk but at this point Bobo Yin had lost hearing,he saw her mouth moving but heard nothing all he saw was teh face of an angel talking processor speeds,video support capacity,memory size....

Once again Bobo Yin had beeen struck by cupid's arrow.he went to her place and tehy finaly decided to change the whole system as Swashi *that was her name* kept on countering his every sugestion sayin why it wasn't sufficient and stuff.

She asked him to accompany her to geta brand new one,he told her he had to work she said that she would request for his services from his boss and pay for the time he would spend with her if need be.

the went to get the system and after a whole lot of arguing about which was the best and wishing if it wasn't too expensive and even when it was she would just linger in front of a to-kill-for system and lust for it.At the end of teh day they left without her choosing one,she said she would wait to get more money before she got one.

They made six trips before she atcually got one,but when he saw it,he acknowledged that it was actuall worth it.At time when people used Pentium 3 and were feeling like Obama in BAli,she got her hand on a Pentium core duo 2 system with 200gb hard drive memory,3.5GB RAM,processor speed......

They got married in Two months,Bobo Yin said he would kill himself if he didn't marry her *bloody liar* time went on and they didn't have any kids but they were happy cos they had six more powerful computers and they also ahd a computer business running where Bobo Yin sold customised computer systems and they lived happily ever after till one day God smiled on them when Bobo Yin was 60 years old and Shiska 50.they gave birth to a son and they lived happierly ever after

I hop y'all enjoyed this horrible end I'mm sorry I couldn't do better but that's just the way gfunc is hehe

much love to my pips ms dufa and myne whiteman and sugarking

ME MUST POST!!!!!! 2

2009-09-05T13:09:00.003+01:00

....warned not to eat meals in other people's houses.Bobo Yin found himself learning to cook.Thanks to Obidike,a co-tenant he learnt to cook a couple of nigerian meals,and as time went on he found himself loving starch and Banga soup.He and Obidike became good friends until Obidike found out that Bobo Yin was touching his sister in places where... *well I'll let y'all imagine*

Obidike reported him to the traders association in Alaba and Bobo Yin was ostracised *I wonder wat this word means* anyways he was banished from the market cos Obidike had connections.The fighting spirit in him led him to begin a career in catering services *a posh name for wat we know as mama or papa put in his case.The business actually flourished for a while until he met Debby.Debby was a rice trader she sold bags of rice to people who ordered for them,she had a flat tire and it was being fixed in a mechanic's close to his joint.She came in to get a bottle of soft drink but the real reason was to escape the advances she was getting from the local boys around the mechanic's workshop.At that moment Bobo Yin was busy handling a pot of amala he was preparing and trying to wash dishes at the same time.

She went over to him and noticing his unusual accent as he made good her order,she asked;

"Futeo make buignol effi?"

Shocked out of his inevitable afro,he replied;

"Futea marina Bali 3 anioses"

I know I got y'all lost even myself but they were speaking some dialect that a tribe in Bali speak and he said he went to school in Bali for 3 years after she asked him if he had any relation with the buignols.

They got talking and she noticed how smart he sounded and they kept talking more and more and even left the amala that Bobo Yin was preparing to get burnt.It's some strange tradition that the buignols practise.They leave everyother thing they're doing when you have a guest in the house and you must sit on the floor while your guest stands.

After telling her his sad story and how he found his ass doing papa put,she gave him her address and asked him to come see her at home.She left and Bobo Yin couldn't stop smiling throughout the day cos the Buignols have it as tradition that if you became sad after receiving a guest in your house you were likely to die in your sleep.

The day came that Bobo Yin was to go see her.Equiped with brand new white clothing he went there in a taxi-something he had never done since he came to Nigeria.She met him at the door and like the buignols she welcomed him with a french kiss *another buignol thingy* but the kiss is not to necessarily last more than 10 sec but this particular kiss went on for 5 full minutes and later on graduated to something else.

The two fell in love and Debby encouraged him to continue his studies.He enrolled in APTECH apapa where he got certified as a computer specialist and he began to make crazy money in the time of the internet boom.he became a big boy and got himself a car and got a Luxury bus for Debby.Life was splendid until the day Debby was killed on her way back from Cotonou.A jealous custom officer who she had turned down his advance so many times had been behind it.

Bobo Yin got wind of this news,sold off alll his property and got on a plane to his home town but as he was ascending the stairs of the plane,the "custom officer" was descending into teh earth being a muslim and all he wasn't allowed to stay more than a day in the mortuary.

A new life in a town he left Six years ago,things had changed the economy of his coutry was now better that that of Nigeria as well as their currency so he wasn't such a big boy anymore,so.........

I'm sorry if I sound like a Nigerian movie but this is to be continued cheers!!!

Me MUST POST !!!!!

2009-08-24T18:33:00.002+01:00

ok today was kinda aight like I went out to some interview thingy for a school and I found myself feeling like don jazzy.Let me break it down,I had to do some logic reasoning ish and then answer questions in a language I wasn't supposed to understand but hehe I did and very well at that.I also was tested for how much computer knowledge I got and ish.It was kinda cool.

I then went off to celebrate or more like to cool off cos I ain't gat the verdict of the interview yet that's supposed to be out like two days from now.please pray for me

Some lovely darling bloggers asked me to update more and ish cos "they like my mind" hehe Props to Chari and Ms Dufa et al
me don be bros for this blogville oh

so here goes my attempt to actually put up a post.

It was a cold night in Arispanku,Bobo Yin had taked out the last of his stock he was a computer sales man in the North of Aris where they mak them LCD screens and stuff.As he carried the last box into the store he tripped and fell.The box fell on his feet and hurt him,he scrowled.

He got the box into the store,closed up for the day and proceeded to examine his feet it wasn't really bad but he knew that once home with Swashi,she would take care of that.And as every other time he came home with a cut she took care of him in ways that would soothe any man hehehehehe

That was really the only way he could unwind nowadays.To recall how his life had turned dramatically after he had gambled with his schooling.Going to parties,flirting with girls and trying to run a call centre business at the same time.He knew he was on a certain path for failure but the change he was getting from his "business" kinda got to his head and he just lost it and didn't even care about classes any more all he did was seek new girls and mock those going to class to read.

He sharply dropped in grades like from 100 to 21 hehe.There was no way that he could make up because he had missed a lot,so while trying to catch up his mates were going farther ahead.To cut the story short he failed and Papa Yin had refused to continue to pay his fees and besides there really wasn't anyway he was getting back to his former school.With that Bobo Yin set foot in Alaba international market where he began active life as a tout.

From the posh life he used to live in school in Bali,he had to migrate to Nigeria in west africa in a bid to seek greener pasture.He had heard that this Alaba boys made crzy money and all you had to know was to talk watever bull... comes to your head to try and get customers over to buy stuff from you even if sometimes what you said did just the opposite but surprisingly some people just bought from you so you stop disturbing them.

He retired home each day to a little room in a sub rural area of Lagos,Nigeria.His room was in a hostel like accomodation.It had a corridor that went on like for ever and rooms like facing each other along the way.Toiletting facilities were not 5 star.The supposedly kitchen was at the back of the house and was shared by about 23 1/2 people and it wasn't very funny.having been nred not to eat out of home........

this is triesome y'all read I'll try to complete it later my hands are killing me right now

MY SWEET POTATOE

2009-07-29T07:19:00.007+01:00

To think that beauty comes dressed in green and black would be so unacceptable but as a matter of fact "he" actually does wear "green and black" outfits.Yes "he" ,something so bold,so confident,so watever else can it be called? A "she" now or can't it?

I walked past her in her unattractive outfit and one other thing;She had a scarf on,a not very attractive scarf.I was surrounded by beautiful young girls everyday who wore those typical girly coulour in shades that make you wanna say curse word to you mama *not that I would think to try,na dat day I go pack my load comot her house na* Well these girls were out of secondary school and were just beginning to have freedom from school uniforms on a daily so I guess,they had collected money from all their uncles,brothers,fathers*in some cases more than one,it is possible init?* One way ticket to yaba or watever place it is they got to.They pratically went about emptying the shops of those traders.Some even were wicked enough to buy white outfits*white outfits,especially on babes,does to me what 18 years olds do to Berlusconi*

In such a position I had no regard for green and black outfits on a girl whose complexion was also kinda looking greenish blackish*hehe I didn't say that*

That day I had some papers to look through,and the man for whom i was kinda slaving asked her and a couple of others to come join me.To make things kinda clear,I was helping out in a preparatory centre where post graduate secondary students attend to get tutorials for JAMB.The fact that I helped out in stuff made me attend free because I was also writing JAMB too.

She came in with the man,let's call him Rkelly,*why? you ask,well,he kinda reminds me of rkelly if you get my drift*.He cracked some silly joke and she smiled.he said something else and she began to laugh,a reserved kinda laugh that just made me think of royalty,dunno why! It was at that point that I loooked at her face.The most remarkable feature was her jaw,it's one of those jaws that just makes you think of kissing hehe

It's shape is so touch-me-while-you're-kissing-her ish.At that point I stood up to act the gentleman funny man,not that I'm much of that but I said something super cheezy about a beutiful girl coming to help me out had to be treated with care and I had to discomfort myself for her because it must be discomforting for her to hang around not so cute people like me,and I offered her my seat.We started work and i didn't really talk to her much except to show off once or twice the one or two acts of smartness i had picke up during my years of existence on earth.

We finished work and I moved into my "toy boy" gear.We talked about stuff and somehow we got to talking about her being married with kids*I really don't remember how*.I disagreed that she didn't have a husband or kids either and I set out to prove some stupidly scientific related theory concerning certain constants that disallowed her to be susceptible to a condition of marriage and also there were also no resultant reactions of her body to certain processes it must have undergone or whatever.The thing is that,I said all these stuff feeling that I was making a large fool of myself but somehow she found it funny,and couldn't stop laughing.Could it have been the accents I was imitating or the fact that I relayed my unaccounted "facts" with a speed superior to 2 times my normal talking speed hehe

We got really acquainted and soon it was time for my "aubergine" *there are them greenish black species hehe* to leave.I offered to hold her coat while she put it on.Okay! she didn't have a coat ,but if she had one I would have done that for her.That's why sometimes I curse being in Nigeria.Anyways I saw her off to the busstop or taxi stop or war-bus stop because it was a kinda car transport which folllowed the principles of bus transportation.It doesn't really matter if y'all don't get what I mean because I barely do hehe.

We had to cross the road,I explained to her that being that there were no traffic lights,I had to do the gentlemanly thing and hold her hand while we crossed the road,being an "aje kpako" *not that I can say she wasn't one herself hehe*.I held her hand and she didn't object not even when after we had crossed the road I continued to hold her hand,not even when the first car-bus got filled up and left,not even when her mother passed by us*just kidding her mother didn't pass by*.But seriously I held her hand longer than was unnecessary*just to show how much*

I got her phone number and I got to touch her jaw.I told her I loved it that it made me think of something.I touched it againg and she asked what it made me think of.I didn't reply just looked into her eyes,those lovely maroon coloured eyes that reminded me of "sunday morning" *long thing joke*.
The amount of electricity that surrouded us at that moment was immense so immense that I cursed being in Nigeria again.

Oyinbo no even need half of all this "chemistry and physics combined" to have start touching bodies and there I was,denied of my first kiss once again all because I was at some busy,and traditionally nigerian bus stop in OKOKOMAIKO.

I once said I wished to go to the USA or just travel abroad so I can experience a lot of things which range from eating Macdonalds "food" *junk food hehe* to getting involved in violence and stuff like hero seeking revenge kinda violence.

I let go of her jaw physically but in my mind,hmmmmmm.... I dare not tell y'all what was going on in there.I watched her get into the car-bus forced some money into her handbag to pay for her fare,as a gentle man now!.She tried to return it but I was moved aside.sandwiched between two people she couldn't easily alight the vehicule.

I watched the car-bus move away,along with her,my first kiss,and of course my transport money.Damn! how I go take reach house now? E don red! I folded the ends of my trousers and started the long walk home......It really was long and to think I gained nothing for it but would the story end that way?who know!

DISCLAIMER:In the event where you have been mislead or perhaps do not understand the head or tail of these regular rambling of words please do not bother to think that you saw this on the "gfunc" blog.But if you made a little bit of sense out of it,well there's only one thing to say.............I LOOOOOOOOOOVE YOOOOOOOOOU!!!!!!!

BEST I EVER HAD hehe!

2009-07-27T17:57:00.007+01:00

Side by side holding hands on an empty........well almost empty school sports arena
It was my third personal love story.Young and slim.Intelligent and beutiful enough*explosive combo init* I had made her acquantaince with some cheezy line about Man U hehe.till this day I love that club.

The day we met I had somehow failed to get her phone number.I certainly didn't know what came over me that day but i did crazy things in a bid to get her attention.i played a certain football linked game,took care of kids,spent more than i was meant to.......... and at the end failed to get her number.

Luckily I was with friends who were with her friends and One of em got a number of one of her friends and bingo!hehe I gave my number to that friend and asked her to give it to my dame and ask her to call me.All this was to see if she was interested or something because I've been a sucker who asked girls,who didn't give a shit about me,for their numbers and kinda got screwed at the end.

The day she called I was with my boys in the room,trying to cook up some gfunc special noodles bien peppered hehe,I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket.Checked to see her number,I silently left my boys to a secluded area and was like

-"Hello"
-"Hello"
Pretending to react to hearing a girls voice
-"oookaayy who's this?"
-It's third!"
Acting surprised
"hey third how are ya? I guess friend gave you my number,coool!!"
"yes,she did and I'm fine"
trying to act busy and stuff
"You know wat,Can I call you tonight cos I kinda am busy right now?"
I can't let my beans burn because of woman na wetin i go come chop?

I called her that night and got to know her better.I got details that would serve my purpose and at the end of the conversation I made a pleasant discovery that she would be present in my area everyday or so cos she was a "church" girl hehe.We fixed a date for the next day.

Next day came and she wasn't hungry so that cancelled MR biggs or any substitute.She decided we go strrolling in the woods.WOOOODS KE!!!!!!!! which day me and you turn oyinbo??? You no know how many snake and cockroach dey that bush wey you dey call wood kpsheeeeeeeeeeewwww!!!!. She told me if I wasn't interested that she would be on her way and then I was like "Baby!*insert igbo accent* you shouldn't take me seriously whether na wood or na fire wood or na bush or forest you want I will go with you.

We went to a school's make-do Stadium wher we sat down and contrary to my earlier thoughts I kinda enjoyed the stadium thingy and I got to hold her hands for the first time and she brough biscuits and "Caprisonne(TM)".Compared to the amount of money I spend playing games to win her a prize,this was nothing but at least a "good" start in a positive direction.

Time went past,we had regular meetings and i sometimes touched her hands and sometimes I didn't.One day we met in the "woods" and she began talking;

-"What do you think of me or what am I to you?"
-"well you're third now?"
-"well,I know that you're in love with me so you had better admit it"
*cheiiiiiiiiiiii!!!! na me this small girl dey talk to like this? who tell her say me dey love? hehe*
-"I won't deny it since you said it already"
-"Well,I want to tell you I have a boyfriend"
In my head there was this gen gen sound
-"you're joking!"
-"seriously,He's in lagos and he travelled for a while that's why I've been having time to hang out with you,but he's coming back today,so I have to tell you incase you don't see me any longer"

At this point I stood up and said,"I wish you the best then,bye"
I began to walk away,then she held my hand*DAMN! that fely good!*
then she said,
-"the thing is I've started to like you and I don't know wat to think"

My thoughts that had moved from my brain to somewhere else now came back to my head to cause it to swell hehe *you go fear fine boy na*

I held her hand,moved my touch from her fingers to her shoulders then by projective motion,my hand moved to her jaw and this was it!!!! I was going to moved my head hehe

I moved slowly and she closed her eyes and I thought *this is it "YES I CAN KISS A GIRL!*My lips just touched hers when she opened her eyes and moved her head.

-"What are you doing?????????"

Embarrassed,I let go and just stared at her speechless.Once again and this time in reality I had been denied the pleasure of knowing why there's so much hype about kissing.

heheheheheh

MY FIRST ..........

2009-07-10T19:35:00.006+01:00

I forgive,I forgive so much that sometimes I think I am a child,well not really a child but a a semi-adult who is a child at heart and knows what superposition means in two subjects.I do not bear grudges for as long as i'd like to no matter how hard I try but sometimes i just dislike a person for no absolute reason or maybe i saw him/her do something and I decided to give it my own interpretation and from then on dislike the person.

I'm in one of those moods,you know the kind of moods where you experience a spark that occurs as a result of pluto crossing neptune and along the way brushing the edges of it's ring* is it pluto that has a ring?....I wonder* along the side of the planet as a result emmiting a sound wave that moves all the way to the earth and gets to strike the head of someone,which at that particular moment was vibrating at the exact same frequency as the sound wave.Thus this sets the head into resonance and makes men do the impossible like jump from airplanes,invent skate boards,roller skates and perform incredible stunts with them,and even do suicide bombing experiments to see how many people a suicide bomber sends to heaven/hell on an average.

She asked me if I'd be coming over to her place that night,I said yes.I had to cos i had lessons,piano lessons over there with her guy friend who had introduced us.who had told me that she said she'd like to get to know me.I had never felt so confused in all my life.

The first time I saw her I said to myself once again that i was going to marry this girl,and at the time there was also another girl at school who I also told myself that i was going to marry too,talk about lust.I had always thought about her and what it would be like to hold her hand or to feel her leg rub against mine.I once had the opportunity to be in the same bus with her and though I could barely afford it i paid her fare that day.All she said was thank you and that was all,I alighted the bus,she didn't even spare me a glance.I told self "you have officially been chopped and screwed"

Time went on,I lost my fierce desire to marry her.She had changed with time.Her breasts became large and she walked in a unnatural way *a walk that was obviously practiced and forced because it didn't go with her* I lost my small*almost negligible* breasted innocent girl and in her place there stood a woman with large mammary glands with a weird walk.The fact that rumours went round town that her sister were flirting with boys in the area didn't help matters.The stigma kinda smeared on her too.I'm not one to judge people but when I don't have first hand information to be sure I'm always cautious.So I just didn't like her as much as before.

I took up piano lessons with a mutual friend after my secondary school final while waiting for university admission.Funnily he suggested that we have the lessons in their house because he sang with the sisters and so that way he could kill two birds with a stone.I readily agreed becuse I'm one who enjoys learning in a place where there are girls,it make it interesting.

Two lessons after I began,My "lecturer" was escorting me to the gate of my street when he told me that there's someone who would like to get to know me better.I asked "who?"
He asked me to guess,but I couldn't so he told me it was her and there I froze.To think that a girl I had always secretly admired all these years could like me was totally incredible.I thought he was pulling my legs because this was a girl who didn't stick around anytime I was in their house.She would just find some excuse to leave the sitting room.

Time went on and I didn't hear anything from her or from "teacher chike".One day he asked me if I had spoken to her.i said "No" he asked "why" I said "because i thought you were joking".He told me that she wanted to talk to me.I said there was no problem "why not".I went over to meet her and said "hi" she said "hi" and then there was nothing else to say.we just stayed there with me feeling weird and all.Teacher then came to say he was going and I used this as a means of escape.I said I had to go too.

The next day she called I guess she had gotten my number from my "lecturer" she asked if I was coming over to her place? I said I would.i went over and as soon as I saw her held her hand.Reason: I don't know.The sensation was mind blowing.Her skin was soft,so soft it felt like a baby's.I led her to a broked down vehicule that was in their compound and weirdness 101 recommenced.We stayed this way for about 25 mins only this time I held her hand.At this time let's just say a part of my body decided it was charged enough to disobey gravity.Initially we stood side by side leaned againgst the car.Suddenly she turned and rested on me in hugging position.My first reaction was to try to lean back but I couldn't i was already on againgt the car.She didn't seem to mind that something was "pricking" her along the pelvic region.She looked into my eyes for the first time and there i saw what I can describe as sheer desire.

No girl had ever looked at me that way.It's a look kinda hard to describe but I didn't react and so she moved her neck slightly and I saw her lips kinda part.I had seen this in some movies and I was sure this was supposed to be the sign for "hey dude kiss me already" I was kinda scred but I moved forward and she move forward as well and then I knew that this was it that i would finally have my first kiss at the age of 16.

All of a sudden I felt someone tap me.i turned to find myself looking into the face of my roommate at school.He just hissed and said,"wetin you dey dream sef,you had better get ready in like 15 mins or you're so going to be late for Osung's class"

I NEED A GIRL TO .......

2009-07-09T18:04:00.004+01:00

Walking down the road today got me thinking how much I don't need this....stress iin my life.That don't mean I don't want it like damn but I choose not to.Not to crave that special someone,the one without whom I feel incomplete.

If I were incomplete without someone then that would mean that i would be kinda suicidal but I don't want that stuff,my religion forbids it,I'm supposed to be a christain by the way.

How the heck does something make you want it so much that you would do a whole lot of crazy stuff just to have it.Sex is like a drug.From what I know,you do it and you end it feeling kinda weak and wondering what you had just done *though I think this is when it's done under wrong conditions with a conscience still in place*

At a later date you find you wanting it all over again,the sight of some girl walking down the road send you thinking things that would make Jesus want to give you slap or better still a taste of what it feels like being nailed to a cross.

Talking about Jesus.I love that man.I love him for loving me.I love him for kinda feeling like me or was it he who gave me this feeling,hmmm.....I wonder.Leving his comfort zone to come down to earth and suffer and stuff.He lived a most simple life.Did some serious fasting and stuff.And at the end of the day was nailed to a cross.That kind love no be here oh.

The stuff I write are just words that come to me as I put hand to keyboard,I just hope they make sense to me and maybe someone.

I just though of leaving a couple of words on Michael Jackson;He was GOOOOD as in the greatest musician ever.If you know another please let me know cos I think it was he,but again what do I know?

I watched his funeral/memorial stuff and was really touched like I saw how creative and engrossed he was in his art.How his fans loved him and all.His performances,the stories of his experiences with real people.Even up to the rehearsal for his hither to upcoming concert;the feebless ,A man of 50 making great attempt to dance along side youg men in their 20's and 30's.

I watched his old videos and saw the way he moved when he danced,the way he got into his music that showed how much he really was in tune with the music,like the music gave him energy or something,like it gave him life.from "I want you back" through "thriller","bad","ghosts";I thought the dance in that video was really off the hook,up to "one more chance";with all his health problems and all,I heard his pain in that song,don't nobody ask me how but I love that song a lot.It made me fall in love with "Michael Jackson" again and reminded me why when I was a kid I would readily respond to "Who is your favorite musician?" well I don't think I need to answer that!

Good bye Michael! R.I.P

God bless you

THINK IT'S A LONG THING

2009-07-08T09:49:00.003+01:00

I'm here sitting as a ressult of the intuition I had to blog about some stuff.I thought of writing something about Leggy,WHY?........I have no idea.maybe cos she or he,as the case maybe,was the only commenter on my last post.

I have been forsaken by my once mislead follower *people who waste thier time reading my ramblings lol* I now stand at the cross road,CONFUSED,DEPRESSED and AGONISED.I might be contemplating suicide.By suicide I hope y'all is not thinking i mean it literally.But I mean G-func,terminate it's *can't really say if it's a she or he* existence.

I was wondering yesterday,why I suck with girls or relationships as a whole.I usually get to that point with these people where I don't just feel them anymore,at least not like I used to at the beginning.I wondered if i was ever going to get married and stuff.I definetely want to have kids,but does that mean I have to get married to do that? ......I'm thinking sick thoughts right here.

I once was in a bus with a little girl and I saw this girl messing up with her mother.She was about five years or so and I guess she's an only child and she was compelling her mum to buy her some wrist watch.the manner in which she did it,made me feel like she felt she had some right to have another wrist watch*she had one on alrready*she kinda spoke in a haughty tone that had me imagining things and here's what came out..............

In the subway where I am,there is a family,a female family;a mother and her three daughters gently seated,converssing in their native language and were apparently having fun and showed themselves to be a family where there is love.They are just leaving a white lady with whom I think they had had a reunion or something and did i mention that they were black,well they were four black beautiful females that they were.They were all smile and stuff and discussed among themselves like they were friends and stuff.that's not something you get much aaround here but that was the case with them.

On the other hand,there was this little girl goin around making noise with the ticket validating machines.Once a ticket has been validated,you cannot validate it again until 5-10 minutes later,but if you do,the machine makes an alerting noise to let you know,a noise which could be pretty irritating especially if heard continously.The girl went aroun using the "used tickets" to make such a raucous.

Her mother beckoned,she paid no heed *at this point imagne a meteorite crashing onto the train and crushing this girl,evil init?*. Her mother beckoned againg but "cinderella" wouldn't be bothered.When she had had her fill of noise making "fun",she returnet to sit by her mother and wouldn't return the ticket.her mum who by now was steaming as in bursting at the seams with anger,just exploded.The funny thing is that it was a mild but dangerous explosion,I wonder how but i think she employed the services of one of them scribbles gadgets.As a properly bred african woman,she dished out a series of uninvented karate moves on this small "madam",so rapid that the little brat didn't even know what hit her but she felt pain all of a sudden in different regions of her body.

The previously reluctant individual silently gave the ticket to her mother,thought of it a little and commenced a 10-minute crying session with no one to console her.Every one in the train was confused,all wondering what the heck had happened,talk about karma.The girl stopped crying after a whilesince she found no sympathisers.

Immediately she tried to take the bag of her mum from her.The latter being quicker,took it out of her reach.obviously someone hadn't learnt from the previous episode perhaps she thought it wasn't real.

She then decided that she wanted to touch her mothers breast.a whole ne world she wanted to explore *without alladin of course* she wanted to discover why her mum had some lovely lady mounds and in the process make an exposition to about 16 sex hungered men in that train.In other words she wanted to mess up her mum IN PUBLIC *talk about some NAS and KELIS shit*

The next thing I saw has since had me wondering if there actuallyu are super heroes amongst us.The train moved out of the tunnel and a bright light kinda enveloped the girl and her mother.In that instant,wasting no time,I thought I saw moves that would render Angelina Jolie,Jackie Chan and Jet Li all put together,amateurs.

But all that couldn't have been real or could it?

WETIN BE THIS?

2009-07-01T18:22:00.005+01:00

I must post today whether the devil likes it or not!!!! *don't mind me I was raised in MFM*

Today,walking on the streets of where I live,I saw a man on some rope thingy,hanging on to a building where he was doing some work and stuff.*this man no know where e dey oh?!! how e go dey tempt all this winches wey dey this area,sey e think sey e still dey yankee or wherever e come from?*

I walked about a 150 metres away where I saw Paulo walking towards me,Paulo was my guy that i hadn't seen in like two weeks,we were supposed to go woman hunting about two weekends ago but the mumu boy went AWOL on me.........I needed to tell him some words that would hurt....

"Idiot!!! how you go leave me hanging like that?",I began,"Na so we plan am?"

"Buuuttt....",He started

"No just but me oh! no just but me!!,If you know sey your brain no soak water you better had some pretty good explanation for me"

All off a sudden I heard a sound behing me kinda like if someone threw a coconut from a great height *that's the only description I could give the sound cos we used to have two coconut trees at our place and I had experimented stuffs*.I didn't think much of the sound cos .....What was there to think about a burst coconut.

I looked back at Paulo,to restart my quarrel over the betrayal of a brother in skirt exploration.He had this bewildered look on his face that made me think *damn!! this guy na fish just these few words wey I give am e don paralyse*,then I saw blood on his face,I kinda softened,

"Oh boy! na me do you like this.? I bad oh",I said

He just stood there still looking at something behind me.I turned with a smile which didn't make it the whole 180°.The stunt man had just had his last performance,The building hanging guy had fallen down from a height of about 460 feet.Apparently his safety lock had given way.I stood there for the next 5 minutes looking worse than Paulo.

The same guy who had been feeling like don jazzy on the ropes only a couple of minute before had just left the world without even saying a proper goodbye,who knows for how long he hadn't even had sex,yet he was gone without a warning.

I saw some building climber today and those were the thoughts that came to my mind.i swear that I just thought "what if this guy were to fall now?"

ON THE HAUTEUR

2009-06-03T09:06:00.004+01:00

Writing……I think I love.

Ever since I read Azuka’s blog,I’ve been thinking that I love his style,like how he got his thing going on.He writes like these awesome stories and also write some awesome *actually I don’t know how much* computer programmes.

There are some obviously unreasonable events that occur in life that just makes you think.Ranging from the religious killers to men who rape toddlers even girls who have no restraint whatsoever to pose nude for a couple of bucks.

I believe that for every act there is a reaction *not always equal and opposite* . This reaction might not be immediate,it could take as long as the naira to be equal to the value of the dollar
ten years but it gets around.A father having kids at opposite ends of the world and those kids decide to meet and somehow fall in love with each other probably even get married and have lots of sex lots of kids.Incredible things that happen that have no explanation that’s really quite logic.

I love the Nigerian national football team,I love Nigeria.Last night in a football match against France,for reasons I’d like to keep private *although I think some people should know* I fell in love once again.

I wish I had a story to tell,like a heart rending one that keeps you on your toes and taps you in front of your screen,a bit like the “scribbly” type but definetely not that afrobabilicious kind.The Carlangy and Azukaish fit a little bit.But what would be a bomb would be the mixture of them all,would definetely blow you minds.

I’m stuck in a dilema,wondering what life is all about and why I don’t follow God as much as I should.I go to church and all,I don’t drink,smoke.............well you get it.I could say I’m not exactly the devil or your average bad boy at that.But I want to be *a little* because I think girls are readily attracted to “bad boys”.I’m not totally shallow as a lot of readers might be thinking ,although I do fancy having a menage à quatre someday,but I digress.Why can’t I be like some pastor?fire breathing and water drinking and stuff.

I haven’t all what I’m thinking or as I’ve thought because as the thoughts come they are quickly replaced by others and disintegrate.

I want to travel ABROAD, eat mac donalds burgers and fries,those long talked about kebabs,french cheese and bread “pain à pates”.Walk out on the streets and with everything I do I can be confident that YES! I CAN.Take the subway,get mugged by a group of gangstars and then seek revenge in the name of my assasinated dog.Perform grand heists and prison breaks with the most sophisticated guns and computers.And yeah,Use really big words like everyday and just be so at home saying them that girls just drool over the eloquent handsome young proffesional.lol

Better still is going into a medievial times and with all the courage in the world added with all the stupidity in south Molibawi,charge an army of soldiers and send about fifteen of those soldiers to an early grave *12 and 13 year olds were cosidered young at the time,above twenty without countless deaths to your name,people considered you gay and feeble*

"more lives have been saved by calm men that courageous one"

And with the same blow with which I had struck down the 16th,I kill the 17 with two swords inside of me and the rise up to behead the 18-23rd who consider it their place to take my head as a trophy for haven ended the days of their most dreaded enemy who wouldn’t bow for any man.At the 23rd the rest of the not so many soldiers now decide to let the body be,as even in death i strike fear in the hearts of men.A handsome,courageous and yet stupid warrior who has bedded 12 women in different villages he had conquered and had each one of them pregnant.At the age of 18,he leaves the world to a better place *yeah right* leaving behind 15 young lads stupid as he was,having it in their mind to revenge their father as soon as they were ready *13 ish*
Their mothers couldn’t stop them afterall she was just a woman.

Random rocks and yeah I do too..............

DISCLAIMER:In the event of any scandal produced as a result of my words being quoted elsewhere,we at GfuncICS will not submit to legal or spiritual actions in the pursuit of claims of redemption.

THIS MIGHT BE A POST

2009-05-23T17:02:00.003+01:00

Okay I just though I ought to note this,don't know why but I was reading it and found it makes sense at all is blogable,I need your opinion if it is or not,okay? It is kinda based on a convo a series of messages btw me and an old friend from secondary school (high school),I met him on facebook after years *GOD bless facebook* ok,here it is;

G-FUNC: na me G-FUNC from Ij * my high school * how your south african life? lol BRIGHTEX! holla back Bolo gave me the 411

BRIGHTEX: g-func on d block wats d p? longest time.Can’t 4get how we used 2 tease ur mighty eyebrows. I’m sure if u have not done anyting about them u will be performin in a circus. just messin u wit u as usual.dont know where dis rumour of me livin in south africa came from. i travel 4 summer dats all. maybe it was wen i went there (4 summer) dat they tot i live there (though i wish i was) ow is func-senior(hope d spellin is rit).lost contact wit everybody even femi black, small n all. saw rogers postin jargons about niger delta, wonder wen he got interested in tins like dat. hook me up wit wat u av been up 2. cheers

G-FUNC: lol!..........like lmao!
Well not to say I'm surprised and stuff but you still got your head intact see as you remember everything reach my surname! yeah you got the spelling right.
My bro is in NDA now ! he's cool
Femi small is on facebook you could search him "femi ' small"
Femi black is nowhere to be found,he just disappeared
Don’t mind Roger he's still yarning cocks as before,what does he know about the niger delta.He ought to go live there to know what the whole thing is all about and stuff. Oh boy,It's real cool to hear from ya,
My eyelashes ;well I guess they stopped growing but remained as they were that was large enough,I guess, anyways I got pics on facebook,you could check em out I've not been so far from where I was when I left IJ I did a little bit of the israelite journey and I came back to where I started from. I ain't got much time to write now so I'll give you anymore gist I can think up by tomorrow or tonight hit me up with info on you man we could chat sometime

BRIGHTEX : nice one bruff, sorry abt ur stagnant eyebrows.
* this boy dey mad oh,e want make my brows turn forest,sorry my ass,instead of am to dey thank God for me *,i will check out dem pics. am not a fecebook fan * obviously * as such so i cant say i know how 2 use em well.nice 2 hear 4rm u again. i just finished 4rm babcock uni and studied accountin (irony...right) kinda waitin around 4 nysc. NDA... is dat not d defence academy. he didnt look d part at all i quess dey can toughen him up a bit, u know by drillin his brains out. are u still in satelite town? will like 2 know wat u mean by the israelite journey. so u are now G-FUNC... see once a G-FUNC, always a G-FUNC dont try 2 act all cool and shit. i believe dat is 4 dem chicks. dont forget 4 give me a load down of dem (chicks) and i hope 2 God u are still not a Virgin cos back i d day u had no prospects. if u are den just know i refuse 2 be ur friend from today. how is mama G-FUNC?...... cheers

G-FUNC : wats so ironical about that? *accounting* I guess your dad's an accountant and he doing big things or do you mean that as in you both doing the same stuff?
And yeah,I thought up the NDA stuff too but I kinda had some physical restraint that I thought weren't gonna make me so comfortable with the rigours of the academy.I guess all that pumping *some form of punishement thought up by hitler mentored teens older than us back in high school days* in IJ messed up my knee joints.
He doing real cool over there,matter fact,he kinda on top,if I may say so myself.I guess our teenage doesn't let people know what we're gonna become.like stature and all.The guy eh,when im come house after the first year,im thin die and hair no dey grow for the centre of im head,but now all that's changed,still skinny but you don't mess with the nigga,like he be shooting guns and stuff and sometimes I guess he says in his head "how you like me now?" G-FUNC,came from a long story.

Like when I wanted to give someone a fake name,I always used Gfunc,gfunc was a name that readily came to mind * and stuff lol* okay? and "gfunc" came from a movie with a black tap dancer back in the days like when racism was still cool and shit.His fellow blacks didn't dig why he was so popular and they called him a "man tanned" cos they said he wasn't black just a man with tanned skin and they kinda killed him at the end.I don't like how he ended but I just like the name.

I ain't in sattelite town no more,you ought to know.I left while I was still in IJ moved to afromedia,close to okoko. The virginity angle.....Man don't you know that shit pays like in some years I could do a press release where I come out like a 30-year old NIGERIAN MAN WHO WENT TO IJ AND IS STILL A VIRGIN,now ain't that cool? I could make some real cash outta that.The girls angle well a whole lot of em that I kinda fancied touching their bodies didn't want to gree my own so I was like file!!! I don't need that shit " and stuff " just kidding lol! I've known a girl or two,don't know if it was the same "knowing" that happened in the Bible but ...........well I hope you get the idea.

Mama G-FUNC dey oh!!!! like she still hot and kicking,my dad no dey stay out late because of her like from 7 o clock when she comes back from work all the boys and men go dey wait around our compound dey try see whether them go fit touch her body * perverted idiots * The idea is flattering and stuff but MY MUM! COME ON THOSE GUYS ! so like every night my dad would bring out his gun and let loose a couple of bullets in the air but that didn't deter em.It wasn't until my brother came home and he combined with my dad * I guess my bro did most of the work but that's the story they told me and I'm sticking to it * well they did some military shit and all that booty hunting crew shifted base to some young girl that has been eyeing me for a while now,but my dad still comes home early he ain't taking chances.I guess mama's having a ball,always laughing at his ass,now he scared to loose her

lol man! just kidding,I just wanted to attempt to try to be funny

Babcock man! you must have strengthened in some area over there,like you're now a "baba cock" if you know wat I mean,lol I think I have to stop writing now. holla back man,cheers

P.S I always been a cool dude just didn't know how to arrange it

.................the end

Okay that’s the post y’all ain’t got time to arrange it and stuff so I hope that doesn’t make it more horrible than it already is,

Ciao guys!!

BUZZ!!!

2009-05-20T17:50:00.003+01:00

Hey y'all!

How's your day been? Obviously I'm on some of that good stuff cos two posts in a week ain't my normal style.lol! Actually I got a break from active life till monday so I have to do some thing productive other than facebook ok!

Today I saw a movie " he's not that into you ". It was a pretty cool movie.I was supposed to go see some friends but I was unable to do so cos I am kinda unmotivated usually and stuff.

Obviously I'm talkng rubbish now,so I'll stop.

Summer for James was always a sad time.Complately braced teeth,acne infested face,skiny silhouette and just too smart for the average 13 year old.His qualifications for "geek" class was perfect.He easily fit in without hassles but.....

James had always been a regular spectator of MTV and all the entertainment stations.The smart came naturally.He didn't know why he could resolve up four figured multiplications without external aid-pen,paper or calculator-he just could.

That summer while on the beach all covered up he dared not expose his bones to the cool populace,cos that would officially strike him out from ever making the cool list....ever.Two girls walked past,he didn't pay much attention to them as he was engrossed in the novel he was reading,intent on finding out why Johnny chambers had killed Sarah Pickles and if Senôr Obama was actually the serial killer as Insp. Kelvin Poirot thought....

" .....Johnny came out through the backdoor of Obama's crib,blasting songs from his brand new Ipod touch,he didn't look like he gave a shit that news was going on around town that he was responsible for the Death of Sarah.After Sarah had died he didn't seem to care about anything anymore,she was his world but not any more now.The loud music was just an excuse,a diversion from suicidal thoughts that he had had.For two months he had shared a secret affair with her and throughout the time no one else had mattered to Johnny.He had stopped searching for trouble around town.Everyone had noticed the change but had thought it was only a little time before Johnny commited his next act of deliquency.

As Johnny rode out on Berla,his trusted steed.The best horse in the county.No one ever dared him to a race,because it was always as if you had Queen latifah racing against Usain Bolt.Mr Poirot came out from where he had been hiding and stared as .......... "

James noticed shadows over his book,he looked up and standing in front of him was Stephanie,the girl he always felt an arousal for whenever she had on a maroon cardigan on,he sought the scientific explanation behind this but he was yet to find it.He had come to discover that it had something to do with his brain.The hospital where he had been born had an odd maroon coloured uniform.Both staff and building were dressed in maroon.

"Hi",she said,
James turned around but he was the only one there,
"Are you talking to me?", he said,
"Of course silly,who else would I be talkkng to?"

He never believed that she could ever talk to him,he always thought she was like other pretty girls *did I mention Stephanie was pretty?well she is!* who only talked with cool boys who were not necessarily smart enough to calculate their age from their birth year.

"If you like you could come join me and my friends under the canopy,it is kinda hot here",she continued "okay,we'll be waiting"

Dumbstruck,he couldn't utter a word.As she walked towards the tent,one of her friends walked out and said something like she was really excited but when he read her lips *yeah James reads lips*he swore that she said "why did you have to do that?" and then Stephanie replied,"He's just an experiment"

If he was dubstruck before,now he was petriffied,he knew he had to get to the bottiom of this drama that was unfolding before him.Stephanie sure picked the wrong guy to mess with....at that moment,she came out of the tent,she had taken off her shirt and had on a sleevess maroon vestHe saw his shorts move,a girl walking by turned and looked at him, and then he knew,this was going to be easier said than done,
"Why the heck does she like maroon so much?"he asked himself

She waved at him.

He waved back.

She smiled and her lips move "you won't even know what hit you Jimmy boy,you poor little boy"

"Yeah I know alright",he thought as he coverd his pelvic region with his novel.

********************************************************************************

I know this story is quite stupid,the arrangement,plot,setting are stuff are all wrong but y'all gotta bear with me cos I'm like that.
I just thought to write this for you all to read and stuff,cos incredible as it seems there are people who actually read my blog,lol
sorry for the errors

thanks y'all

props to Sir Scribbles,Penelope,Miss Natural,Yankee naija babe,Roc-naija,
I love y'all

I LIKE GIRLS

2009-05-17T18:27:00.008+01:00

Since I can remember,I've always had a crush on some girl in some establishment,school,or...... Oh well y'all get the idea...

The first was OMOLARA,the dark spoilt little angel that I was "in love" with in kindergaten,I don't think I ever spoke to her,at least not on a very friendly level but in my dreams.....let's not go there.I always thought that I would marry her when I grew up and made a lot of money and stuff,but sadly I left my first primary school and never saw her again until like four years and three crushes later.

In my new school,I first set my eyes on the cleanest girl with short hair and a fair complexion,on the second day in the school.There and then I knew that we were going to get married and give birth to four of the most adorable half cast kids * inter tribal does count * and IJEOMA would be a wife like Toni braxton who sings and does creative stuff for me "privately" but I would never cheat on her.Never cause her to cry like all them ladies in nigerian movies.Two years later in the same school,I commited my first act of infidelity,I started having thoughts of another girl,that I would just put her legs on mine in class cos for some unknown reason,I discovered that having a girls leg on yours felt good.One day,after a series of events,IJEOMA held my hand.I felt better than when I drank chilled coke on a sunny day.Till this day I forget not that first touch.After that day I always had silly excuses to touch her hand.After primary school,we parted ways and I haven't seen her since.

My first day at secondary school,I set my eyes on DAMILOLA and I knew for sure that she was the one I was going to spend my life with but not for long cos I set eyes on DOYIN,the girl who resumed three weeks after we did.She asked me where JSS1C was with the most adorable voice I had ever heard before then.From then on,I was polygamous,It was certain I was going to have problems with my parents.Polygamy was not something that was popular for almost 10 generations and I sure wasn't the one who was going to resume it,epecially not as the turn of the 21 century was just around the corner,polygamy was getting unpopular,I needed to act fast.two ladies in one mind didn't do any good for motivation.Solution:drop em both,get along with boys,ther were no complications with boys,it was certain you weren't going to marry em and you could have as many as you wanted.Four years went by,basking in perversion,I lost my chance with the two most beautiful women I had ever set my eyes on.

My chance for my first female kiss came Two years after graduation from secondary school,it was sudden and pleasurable,so good that I've been stuck ever since.I saw the right path as the kiss overwhelmed me,I swear scales fell of my eyes.As soon as I left her that day, I went to a church where I prayed for forgiveness and deliverance,how could I hve been crazy,cos I believe only a crazy man would eat for the thrash can when he could work and earn "meat pie and coke" FOR WHAT NOW!!!! I and AISHA shared many more of such encounters,many more.She liberated me,thus I cannot forget her as long as I live............I love you even though you don't think so...

GFUNC WRITES A STORY

2009-05-09T19:49:00.004+01:00

You know that feeling you get when you just watch something real inspiring or a movie or read a really nice book that was both interesting and thought you something or you read the blog of some crazily talented blogger .......... well...

I just saw a movie "WANTED" and funnily I was left with this feeling that I just wanted to experience jumping through a window,like feel glass breaking off me and stuff * wouldn't that be great * . There were two scenes in that where those awesome bullet-bending gentlemen party crashed windows.They sure spoilt the day of those windows. lol *okay that was dry* but I really want to experience that kinda stuff.

The point of this post stands at I want to write a story,a apontaneously though up story that I'm thinking off write now.In my wworld I've discovered that the most interesting performances are the spontaneous ones,that are done on the spur of the moment,so I want to be spontaneous.Well,here goes

" Their gazes crossed as he crossed the street,she had a funnily green looking wig on,he had always found black girls with bright colored wigs repulsive,but there was definetely something else about her that made him kinda relent a little bit.Before he could get in a dirty thought,an old ferrari turned the corner at the speed of an old ferrari,and sent her physically fit * and sexy * body flying like them olympic gymnasts across the street.Having never experienced such an incident before,He was stunned to his roots and didn't know how to react he just stood there and watched her eyes which were fixed on him on the exact same way that they had been when their gazes crossed.like them movies,he watched as everything around him blurred.

He saw her stand up from the ground unhurt,without even a scar but there was still someone on the ground passed out,he saw it was still her.People had gathered around the body and there was an old man who was shaking his head.He saw she was staring at the people and the body on the ground and she was sad as well.At that moment he snapped,turned around and ran as fast as his legs could carry him.As he was about to turn the corner,he saw her running after him,and she was running so fast he seemed not to be moving at all.

She caught up with him and touched his shoulders,the urine he had left the office to excrete poured down his pants,in one steady flow,it was more like a ........

"Excuse me",she said, "Do you know where I can get a bus going to UNILAG,you look like a student or something because you are the youngest person I've seen for the past 30 mins.Someone told me to take a bus here from Ojuelegba and I am kinda lost,I know it's risky to talk to strangers but you look like a nice guy so could you direct me"

"What did you say?",He asked,scared as shit

"I said do you know where UNILAG is ?"

"YOU....WHAT!!! WHAT ARE YOU? You just freaking died!!"

"ME! You must be mistaken Sir,I just saw someone whoo had an accident,it hasn't even been confirmed if she's dead or not and you are thinking I'm the one!!",she sighed,"I don't know where you're from but ,the last time I checked death by car accident is not communicable"

She walked away from him with a bewildered look on her face,He noticed that she wasn't having on the green wig anymore and some pieces of her clothing were disappearing as she walked away from him.

As best as he could,he walked away and took the bus home to CARY STREET ,as soon as he got into his house,he just lost it,didn't know how to react; laugh,cry,scrath,roll,kneel,pray..........He had never been so confused in his life,He thought he had seen a ghost.Just at that moment,He heard a knock at the gate.Thinking it was his sister just back from school,she had this annoying habit of making people open the door for her and would always knock the door before trying her keys.Being that he needed to talk to someone,he composed himself as best as he could and opened the door to find himself staring into the face of miss green wig...............

......HERE LIES THE REMAINS

2009-04-11T06:50:00.014+01:00

.........We had met on facebook*at least on good thing I can attribute to being on fb*
She had seen one of my videos that I made during one of those extremely boring browsing sessions.Immediately she had added me as a friend * or some day later,I cannot know for sure *

I had opened my mail that evening and found a request * but i'm always on fb ,how come I didn't see the request you ask? well leave matter for matthias,It's my story I can say whatever I want * . The first picture i had seen of her wasn't all that attractive.It was a dark image with a hairstyle that gave her more age.I had accepted the request.

I checked her info and found out we had one friend in common * my one year senior from secondary school * She was in a foreign country and she wasn't an ex-student of my sec school.

I browsed through her photos and found the other to be a bit more prettier but still not enough,then i had stumbled on one;It had her sitting in a kind of a lecture theatre where she had on a hairdo,that I liked for no particular reason and she looked younger and stuff...... I also remarked at the amount of acne on her face it was like that of a friend I know who was schooling abroad.I quickly made a comparison with pimples and living abroad.

That same day I met her online on facebook.We chatted a bit then we added each other to yahoo IM and then chatted for hours.I found myself liking her rapport and the way she simply flattered me was just too good to be true.She said my video was awesome,that she couldn't wait for me to relese an album * hmmm I thught music or stupidity album * .She was actually watching the video as we spoke and had shown it to members of her family *just her sister,but that could qualify as members now*

We got chatting almost everyday for hours on lenghth and i found myself getting fond of this girl and decided to leave facebook for her *afterall i can't be having two loves na,abi how una check am? *

The chats went on until one day when she didn't come on.I was frustrated and at that moment I began to realise how much I really like her.She came on the next day and from time to tim i would give hints of really liking her *though we had flirted a bit with words like "honey","dear",and "love" * She would justy reply passivel or sometimes say somthing else.I knew she wasn't that into me from then on.It was funny how I would like a girl I met on the internet so much that i sometimes defied my uncle and would loose sleep just so I could chat with her.

Time went on and i knew I had to be content with being friends only or I had to let her go because i really don't know how I can be friends with someoone I'd rather be in love with.The day I told her I had to leave her,it wasn't preplanned because I had wanted her so badly that I had been willing to make do with what i could get,but my mouth ran faster that my brain and I told her.it's funny how I can let go of someone I claim to love.

I know I was too fast to say my mind but I just couldn't hold back my feelings I Had to tell her.This is how the conversation went:

oj: hey u there?
gfunc: yeah
oj: o ok
oj: wassup?
gfunc: nada
gfunc: just here
oj: have u been here for long?
gfunc: like 4
oj: my time?
gfunc: 2H30mins
oj: o ok
gfunc: ago
oj: wat have u been doin?
gfunc: nothing really
gfunc: just chilling
oj: kk
oj: kul
gfunc: yeah
gfunc: and you?
oj: o....lemme see....woke up this afternoon..did some work...went to church nd came back
gfunc: k
gfunc: cool
gfunc: you just cming bck?
oj: fews hrs back
gfunc: k
gfunc: cool
oj: yea
gfunc: i guess easter is gonna be big for ya
oj: big ke?
oj: dunno ooo
gfunc: k
oj: yea
gfunc: but y'all wil be cooking up some of em naijja dishes,right?
oj: we always eat naija good so it'll make no difference anyways...
oj: food
gfunc: ah
gfunc: k
oj: yea
gfunc: isn't it kinda expensive
gfunc: ?
oj: yea it is
oj: but they bring from naija for us
gfunc: who?
oj: family back home
gfunc: k
gfunc: do they like send it or someone comes with it?
oj: yea they do
gfunc: aight
oj: yea
gfunc: send me some of whateve you'll be having then
oj: lol...ok
gfunc: like on easter
oj: i hear
gfunc: lol
gfunc: that was not funny
oj: wat?
gfunc: what I said
oj: ok
gfunc: what phone do you use?
oj: samsung
gfunc: k
gfunc: yuck
oj: i kno
oj: changin very soon
gfunc: cool
gfunc: can i suggest a nokia 5800
gfunc: ?
oj: wz gonna get n95
gfunc: hmmm
gfunc: any particular reasons?
oj: gps nd al d other stuff
oj: nd i think e68 also
gfunc: ok
gfunc: super cool
oj: which one?
gfunc: long as it's a nokia all is fine with me
gfunc: A nloody 3310
oj: yup
oj: nokia is da best
gfunc: yeah
gfunc: you can sa y that again
oj: yup
gfunc: you got any special plan sfor today?
oj: nt really...goin to church later in the evenin
gfunc: ok
oj: yea
gfunc: that's like holy saturday or something?
oj: yup
gfunc: ok
gfunc: there's a ..............
gfunc: certain talk I often hear
gfunc: about the catholics being flirtilicious
oj: uh?
oj: wtf?
gfunc: *that might not be a real word*
gfunc: no need for cursing
gfunc: pips say,and I've seen evidences bout how that could be true
oj: u've seen?
oj: where?
gfunc: yeah
gfunc: like almost all catholic churches I've been to
gfunc: the youth are like something else
gfunc: even the ones who occupy key position in the church
oj: i see
gfunc: don't know why I had to bring that up
gfunc: you like M.I?
oj: yea...y?
gfunc: cos he's like the next best thing since coco pops
oj: dunno coco pops but I love M.I
gfunc: coco pops! the cereal?
oj: ok...lol
oj: am an aje kpaco
gfunc: me too
oj: lol
gfunc: but I used to have this cable something and got used to the butty life
gfunc: though I was quite far from living it
gfunc: tv influences lives
oj: yea...it sure does
gfunc: like
gfunc: it ruins them too
oj: yea
gfunc: yeah
gfunc: I'm a living withness of that phenomenom
oj: heheh...I can imagine...how did t.v influence ur life?
gfunc: what can you imagine?
oj: nothin
gfunc: ok
gfunc: my life?
gfunc: well music,dress and talk
oj: daz for eveyone
gfunc: yeah
gfunc: that's my life
gfunc: the interessting ones are those of others
oj: interestin ones?
gfunc: yeah
gfunc: but I don't think you should be hearing them
oj: y?
gfunc: I guess you should be holy on a holy saturday
gfunc: not that I am
gfunc: but I wouldn't cause your heart to sin either
oj: ok...I don't want to sin at all
gfunc: yeah
gfunc: so don't go being curious
gfunc: k
oj: kk
oj: wil not be
gfunc: I hate when we don't meet up simultaneously
oj: i don't meet up how?
gfunc: online
gfunc: I said "we"
oj: how tho?
gfunc: like i come online and have to chill a while before you come
gfunc: or I don't know you r online
gfunc: and then i have to leave
gfunc: and then you have to stay
oj: heheh....yea
gfunc: and the when I come back you r already gone
gfunc: but you don't feel the same way right?
oj: i don't feel the same way how do u mean?
gfunc: how do I mean?
gfunc: hmmmmmmmmmmmm
gfunc: ok
gfunc: like i come online and have to chill a while before you come
gfunc: or I don't know you r online
gfunc: and then i have to leave
gfunc: and then you have to stay
oj: y did u repost
oj: lol
gfunc: to show you "how I mean"
oj: kk
oj: got u
oj: yea...its sad tho...

(at this time I was gone for like ten minutes before.............)

BUZZ!!!
BUZZ!!!
gfunc: Play: (Magic_Eight_Ball)
oj: SweetIM's magic ball says: My sources say no
gfunc: SweetIM's magic ball says: You confuse me with someone who cares!
gfunc: SweetIM's magic ball says: Dont count on it
gfunc: SweetIM's magic ball says: Better not tell you now
gfunc: SweetIM's magic ball says: Outlook not so good
gfunc: SweetIM's magic ball says: My reply is no
oj: na wa oooo
gfunc: wat is wa?
oj: ask me again
gfunc: gfunc: wat is wa?
oj: dunno
gfunc: ok
gfunc: thing is that I'm liking you loads and i don't know why I'm saying it but obviously * or at least I think *
oj: oo u done...i wz waitin for u to complete ur statement
gfunc: you do not,so I will tell you that I've taken a step by starting this writing.which means that in time I'll have to stop chatting with you .you say why? okay ,the reason is that when I end each chat with ya,I leave in a state of * say a crack addict looses his drug* with you I'm lifted high,I have an overwhelming euphoric sensation of joy *happiness whatever* and once I leave ya.I'm dropped even lower than I was beofore hte conversation began* like negative of the high* . I really hope I'm making any sense because I don't think I am but all the same.I just have to telll ya.I really should get in the process of getting over you .It's gonna be hard but It ain't impossible.For lack of words I will end this now and hope that sufficiently with thes few points of mine I have been able to......
........ convince you and not confuse you that women selling rice in Oshodi market in lagos make more money that oil workers .Thank you!
oj: hahahahahahaah
gfunc: but I ain't kidding though
oj: ok...seriously
gfunc: I 'm real serious
oj: u like me that much?
gfunc: yeah,I don't know why
gfunc: some of the things i say I actually mean even thugh they seem like jokes
oj: but....that wz too quick tho
gfunc: yeah
gfunc: stupid ain't it
gfunc: that's why I said I don't know hy
oj: nt really...but wat i have for u is likeness
gfunc: I know
gfunc: that's why I have to quit ya
oj: quit me
gfunc: or I'll end up being real screwed ( hmmm and chopped too)
oj: but can't we be cool friends?
gfunc: I hope
oj: we are cool friends already
gfunc: yeah
oj: exactly
gfunc: I think th ebest thing would be to leave ya entirely though
gfunc: i'M REALLY NOT THAT STRONG
oj: u re nt that strong?
gfunc: to hold a friendship with someone i'd rather thinks of me the way I think of her
gfunc: you see
gfunc: I hope you see
oj: ummm
oj: no i don't se
gfunc: well I really don't know how to make it anyclearer
gfunc: that's always been a problem with me
gfunc: explanation bien comme il faut
gfunc: explaining very well
gfunc: sorry
oj: ok...i understand
oj: do u want a break from me
dauduzone: lol
oj: or u don't wish to talk to me again
gfunc: I do WISH to talk with you
gfunc: more than anything else
gfunc: bbut not just the way I feel
gfunc: now
oj: o ok
gfunc: i have no idea how long It will take before i get over you
gfunc: so I'd best say
gfunc: indefinetely
gfunc: which could be like forever
oj: o wow
gfunc: yeah u can say that again
gfunc: In about 20 mins I stop chatting I gotta do the cleaning
gfunc: I think that will probably end our "relationship"
oj: o ok...no problem
oj: ummmm
oj: don't kno to say to that
oj: wat
gfunc: so at this point i begin to say my goodbyes
gfunc: so as not too prolong
oj: wow....
gfunc: beyond the 2à mins
gfunc: 20
oj: k
gfunc: I'm really a sucker
oj: yea u re
gfunc: funny how I got into this
gfunc: I think it's difficult to have female friends
oj: just thot we could be friends
gfunc: and not have a physical attraction
gfunc: especially when they are as mignon * nice looking* as you
oj: watever
gfunc: yeah
gfunc: I think I'll be going bck to fb afterall but I'll be more of an inactive participant there
oj: u re really an ass
gfunc: you could still check on if you want
oj: seriously
gfunc: yeah
gfunc: I'm an ass
gfunc: I always thought it was too good to be true
gfunc: i'll always dedicate all my future vids to ya
gfunc: unless ofcourse I find some other girl like you
oj: nt necessary
gfunc: who feels the way I feel
gfunc: ok
gfunc: cool
gfunc: lol
gfunc: take care of you
gfunc: my 2weeks and a day old crush
gfunc: do have a wonderful easter and a wonderful life ahead
gfunc: I'll miss you loads
gfunc: God knows I will
oj: wow
oj: thks fr everythin tho
gfunc: thank you
gfunc: I did nothing
gfunc: nothing at all
gfunc: you'll never know how much it mean that you appreciated my videos
gfunc: at least the first ones
gfunc: you will never know ( I began to feel tears forming in my eyes )
gfunc: for that I love you
gfunc:lol
oj: thk u
oj: I appreciate
oj: i really do
gfunc: if I do then why am I letting you go
gfunc: funny me
gfunc: stupid me
gfunc: these are just my last words of signing off
gfunc: my story with the most incredible girl I know
gfunc: I could go on for ever
gfunc: but I have to discipline me
gfunc: or i'll never leave
gfunc: like all rules I do have an exception
gfunc: I've made a rule but there just might be an exceptio
gfunc: bye love
gfunc: bye
oj est en train d'écrire.
oj: bye ( at this point I had to hurry away ,the tears were already dropping)

IT BEGINS..............

2009-04-03T14:46:00.005+01:00

. . . . As I looked at the advancing fist,I imediately blanked out and got into a kind of dreamlike world where I heard voices laughing,I think they sounded like donkeys and shouting get up,I had heard stories of people seeing stars or probably taken unscheduled trips to heaven *one way or return flight* but I had never heard about laughing donkeys shouting "get up".As I pondered,I felt a light tap,believing it was all part of unconsciousness I didn't respond,then came the slap.

I immediately open my eyes and jumped up,wondering what had happened.Thing was that I actually hadn't fainted or anything like that but I had just triped frighten by the impact of the anticipated punch.I had been standing close to the fire extinguisher post,the dead-end where Thomas "the pire" Agbaniyaka had me cornered,He was about to kill me for hanging out with his girlfriend and stalking him on facebook posing as a girl leading him on by being very emotional and making the fool relate with a girl who completed him and shared his philosohy of inflicting pain on others and was just perfect for him but somewhere along the line I had written my name on the wall of a mutual friend,telling him I wasn't a gal so he should stop trying to holla at me,but little did I know the APROKONESS of facebook atr the time because I was still accessing via mobile.Thomas had found out and had decided to send me prematurely to heaven,hence the fight.Luckily as I fell to the ground it was already too late to retrieve the punch his fist was badly lacerated as it collided with the outlet part of the cylinder of the extinguisher.Being a tough guy he had tried to bottle up the pain a bit but after a while the reality struck him and he screamed like a frightened monkey

At that everyone began to laugh and that was when I got up,It was so funny that I joined in,Thomas looked at me with eyes full of hatred,as if to say "you're dead meat man" but that didn't stop my laughter,I laughed so hard the poor fool must have thought I had gone crazy.He began making attempts to walk away aided by his two goons,Jide and Segé.All off a sudden he stopped,as if he had been informed that he had to save face a bit,he picked up a log of wood on the floor,I had seen him bend down but I couldn't be bothered by what he was doing I was having the grand time.All of a sudden I caught sight of a UFO and then everything went black.............

I hope this qualifies as my first official story into blogsville,may my road in it be smooth,I really am not cut out for the rough

I hope to also win like 17 awards in the blogsville award,so I hereby make this declaration to y'all blogsvillians or blogvillites whichever you prefer

2008-12-19T02:51:00.001+01:00

http://www.dotsis.com/mobile_phone/index.php

phones and software

2008-12-19T01:41:00.000+01:00

Hi ya there

i got the info that the latest nokia phone the n97 will be in stores by january 2009

This mobile is loaded with some awesome features such as 5megapixel camera,dvd quality video,wlan,bluetooth,touch screen,slide asdfqwerty keyboard and a whole lot of other awesome features you could check it out on http://reviews.cnet.com/smartphones/nokia-n97-unlocked/4505-6452_7-33421200.html?tag=mncol;lst

it's a real cool mobile

like a laptop you can carry in your pocket,y'all the internet capability is simply awesome

functions on conventional broadband networks

one more thing for those of you ho seek really awesome software for your phones no matter what phone it is you have found the last stop where you are going to get all you mobile software,themes,games,e.t.c check it out at http://www.dotsis.com/

2008-12-15T18:18:00.000+01:00

here's this awesome video by some naija guys based abroad,i found the video on you tube soi decided to share it with y'all

this duo is like totally awesome cos they do a lot of innovative stuff,that's an evidence of sheer talent.

this video features a yankee based naija girl who adds the r n b flava to the song

i hope y'all enjoy as much as i